November 17, 2012

Laws to live (and die) by

In Thailand it's illegal to leave your house if you are not wearing undies. You can't drive your car if you are not wearing a shirt. Strangely there is no law against no pants in cars.

In Switzerland it is illegal to flush the toilet in an apartment building after 10pm. 

Do not get naked in Kenya's Masi Mara. That is illegal.

In Singapore it has been illegal to chew gum since 1992. 

In Saskatchewan Canada it is illegal to drink water in beer parlours. (Damed right!)

Don't take your beer onto the street in Chicago, US. That's against the law. In St Louis you can take beer onto the street but you can't sit down with it.

In Longyearbyen, Norway dying is illegal. The remote artic town found that bodies didn't decompose in the permafrost. So if you're so sick that you're going to die, they will ship you over to the mainland.

In England the Outer Space Act of 1986 allows the Secretary of State to use reasonable force to prevent an alien attack. But if the aliens come with paperwork saying they have a licence to invade, then Britain will have to invoke the Space Objects Act to repel them.

In New York cinema owners must chisel all chewing gum off the bottom of their seats every month. 

In Denmark you don't have to pay for your food unless you are full at the end of your meal. You also need to legally check under your car for children who may be sleeping there before you start the engine.

In 2009 Japan made it against the law to be fat. In the nation that is the home to sumo wrestling actually set a maximum waistline size. Men aged 40 and above must not have a waist more than 80cm. Women get an extra 10cm. 


  1. In the liberal democratic republic of geoffffistan it is illegal to be a smug non denominational fucking Christian with a clinic in Gaza and a name like "Peace ... Holyland ... Now" or any frigging combiantion or permutation thereof and has had the unmitigated gall to lecture Israel.

    Especially if they have names like "Amanda Liverspoon" or "Jason Wellingboot" or whatever

    I want to be quite specific about this because the consequences are quite severe

    You are fucking illegal in geoffffistan


    And if you get past the door and happen to be a cleric I'll hunt you down to the last room

  2. Anonymous12:18 AM

    Let's hope that if aliens arrive in Thailand they come in undies, choose not to die in Longyearbyen, and bomb geoffffistan into another galaxy.

    BTW, I can thing of better ways of removing gum from one's bottom than using a fucking chisel - sulphuric acid does the trick better.



  3. 21 December, alien arrival date, expected to spew forth from a mountain - in France, oddly enough - to save any nearby humans. (Why France?) No word on whether the the aliens will be wearing undies.

    I've never had gum stuck to my bottom, so know nothing of best removal tips.

    As for the other matter: every war is pointless and a testament to human stupidity; evidence of a total inability to think or learn.

  4. Perhaps. But only these Christians are too dumb and stupid to think things through AND get all smug and supercilious about it too.

    They are illegal in geoffffistan. Illegal I tell you. There is now a zero tolerance policy for smug dumb Christians throughout the whole country.