Clock on: 9:01am.
Aliens present: nil.
Clock off: 9:02am.
Time taken for annual performance review: 12 and a half seconds.
(Yes, it's true: I'm jealous because I want to work for any bureaucracy called the Office for Outer Space.)
The UN, bless 'em, believe they're best placed to coordinate first human communications with aliens. In the same manner they coordinate peace, health and happiness across Earth, I imagine.
As always, some expert in space law and governance (yes, yes, I want to be one of them too) shows what a blithering fool he is by trotting out the rubbish line that first contact is still most likely to be via radio or light signals.
Yep, the ancient technologies of radio or light signals, which can barely make it past gravity: going to reach aliens - any day now.
UN appoints Earth contact for aliens