September 30, 2010

The Hole

Whatever happened to the hole in the ozone?

Weren’t we all going to hell, quickly? 

September 29, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

Like all young men I set out to be a genius, but mercifully laughter intervened.

Lawrence Durrell

September 27, 2010

Nice one

Indians as young as seven are working around the clock to clean up the Commonwealth Games site in India, and to finish construction.

To think we doubted their good intentions and capabilities.  Shame on us.

Meanwhile, a snake has been found in the room of one athlete and a bed has collapsed under the 56kg weight of one of the Indian boxers. 

Outbreaks of dengue fever can't be far behind.

Best! Games! Ever!


Yeah - that last one was post number 2000.

How about that!  

September 26, 2010

Moral ambiguity of the hot and handsome

Last weekend, having played his final game of ALF, Ben Cousins took to a shopping mall to sign DVDs of his drug-fueled adventures and downfall - Such is Life.  Two thousand screaming, panting fans turned up, with one teenage boy fainting, most likely due to the unbridled pushing and shoving of the young women in attendance.

Also since retirement, Cousins has lost one girlfriend and found another, a woman sublimely glamorous and beautiful.

The Cuz documentary caused outrage and teeth-gnashing before it aired, and more of the same, only louder, once it had been seen by a suitably large audience.  

Perhaps there really is only a short snort between glorifying Cuz and his illicit drug abuse and presenting a moral lesson for impressionable teenagers, or anyone else thinking of using Bennie as an overall template for the good life.

This was never going to be a documentary of contrition or atonement. Well, not unless you can cope with a drug addict who was a wildly successful, fully functioning, sporting god, all the while -  for 12 long years - abusing the crap out of the drug of the choice for any self-respecting high achiever:  cocaine (among others, and, the cocaine side dish - copious amounts of alcohol). 

The honesty of the documentary inevitably outraged the moral arbiters and the middle class masses.  

Cuz did not weep and wail about how much he hated and battled against being a drug addict  He clearly did not wake up each morning wishing that someone would rescue him from his life of woe.  He loved drugs.  He loved his lifestyle. He was also utterly and unquestionably successful.

The moral ambiguity, the enjoyment of transgression, the insufficiency of the punishment, was too difficult - no matter that it was a true presentation of drug abuse in the real world - gave short shift to moral certainty and absolute punishment, such that the audience would inevitably, boringly predictably, be outraged and repelled. 

Cousins' fall, when it came, was neither far enough nor long enough to satisfy the social need to see our hero, our villain, win the hearts and minds via a miraculous recovery.

Had he lost everything, had his fall been absolute, had he lost his wealth, his fame, his looks, his perfect body, his health, his hair, his teeth, the beautiful girls, his friends - had he been utterly defeated by his self-indulgence - ah, yes, maybe then, only then, could he have been forgiven.  But the bottom was not low enough, the rock not nearly hard enough. 

There was no redemption, because the story of Cuz offered none.  Denied entirely a sliver of light to shine on in - salvation at last. He presented a socially and morally unbearable honesty.  He didn't even beg forgiveness, of anyone.

Cuz's last game:  strong, buffed, good looking - no other player has ever looked so hot on the ground.

A narcissist?  Sure.  But oh how fucking good he looks.

Who needs redemption anyway?  It's a cheap commodity when played out in the public sphere.

September 25, 2010

Use by date reached

Perhaps some people will watch, or care, on the off chance of a sewage overflow occurring in real time for the cameras. 

With the Commonwealth Games Village described as "uninhabitable", it's probably the only aspect of the games of interest to anyone other than the athletes who might, or might not, compete at the Commonwealth Games in India. 

It’s all a tad touch and go.

The number of gobsmackingly ridiculous quotes in defense of the preparations is never ending, with one of the best coming from the organizing committee’s secretary general, Lalit Bhanot, who believes sanitary standards are "subjective" and cleanliness issues aren't a "major" concern.

Bhanot, I’d guess, has never used a vacuum or scrubbed a toilet, so can afford to be dismissive about matters of cleanliness.  

Why is anyone surprised by this smelly, grubby little disaster?

India is the country with a higher level of mobile phone ownership than the number of people who have access to a toilet.  

Population: 1.24 billion

Proportion of the world’s population:  17.31%

Number of mobiles:  565 million
Number of people with access to a toilet: 366 million

And no one saw the cleanliness problem coming, right?


Hung parliament.

Hung grand final. 

The land down under has become quite loopy.

September 24, 2010

September 22, 2010

Everything your already knew

Err, all the rule books are wrong. Startling news.
For men:
 - Clever chat-up lines do not generally work. They appear contrived and can be horribly fluffed.
- "Negging" (offering a "back-handed" compliment) is meant to make a man look confident and self- assured and "unsettle" the woman, but it was more likely to cause her to "run for the hills".
- There is no evidence that sitting with one's legs wide open and crutch pointed towards a woman conveys an attractive message.
For women:
- Sneaking "peek-a-boo" glances at an admired individual can easily backfire by being overdone, making you look half-witted or mad.
- Not calling him first, or not answering his calls, to keep him "on his toes" is bad advice. Instead, he might just walk away.
- Sticking your hip out to accentuate your curves is not necessarily seen as a sign of fertility.

To the roof!

Time to build an official protest holding roof.  I'll throw in a few dollars to set up the reservation book.
Nine people, including a pregnant woman, have climbed on to the roof of a building at Sydney's Villawood detention centre, just 13 hours after 11 other detainees ended their 30-hour protest on another roof.

The Chinese nationals, four of whom are women, climbed on to the roofs of one of the centre's buildings about 8am today, an Immigration Department spokesman said.

Ian Rintoul of the Refugee Action Coalition said the Chinese nationals were held in the same area as Fijian detainee Josefa Rauluni, 36, who fell to his death on Monday.

Wednesday Wisdom

Amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic.

September 17, 2010

September 15, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

Adventure is just bad planning.

Roald Amundsen

September 13, 2010

He had to remind us ...

Alan Howe, at the Herald Sun, goes a step too far in reminding us of the good old days, when betrayal meant crossing the floor to fuck the minister.

Kernot was a whingeing under-achiever who got into the Democrats and then the Senate, sensationally jumped ship to join the Labor Party, and narrowly scored a Lower House seat, which she promptly lost at the next election.

Later, it turned out that the deceitful senator Gareth Evans had wooed the dippy Democrat to the ALP while exploring the pale acres of Kernot's flesh. [Ed - yeah, go on, rip out your eyeballs, you know you need to.]

Kernot had betrayed the electorate, her party, the Senate - even her husband and family. The untrustworthy Evans was also married with children and admitted he had lied to Parliament, but that was really a lie to the wife he had so shamefully humiliated.

That's betrayal.

Thanks for spelling that out to us Alan, but a little lighter on the visuals (eewwee) next time.

All's fair as Julia wins ...

September 11, 2010


A while back, California passed a bill that will see paparazzi fined $5,000 for breaking traffic laws or interfering with a celebrity's car.

This footage of paparazzi harassing model Kate Moss and her daughter as they arrived at LAX was one of the exhibits used to support the bill.

Say what you will about the rich and famous, or the more execrable celebutards, but a $5,000 fine seems all too paltry.

September 10, 2010

September 8, 2010

So little in it

True stories in the workings of Australian democracy:

Oakeshott (Independent) - 40,066 votes
Gillespie (Nationals) - 29,217 votes
Frederick (Labor) - 11,456 votes
Oxenford (Greens) - 3,645 votes

New England
Tony Windsor (Independent) - 56,317 votes
Tim Coates (Nationals) - 22,965 votes
Greg Smith (Country Labour) - 7,396 votes
Pat Schultz (Greens) - 3,244 votes

Wednesday Wisdom

The average person thinks he isn't.

Father Larry Lorenzoni

September 3, 2010

When do we want it ... 21 August 2010

In addition to the introduction of fixed four year terms at federal level, we need a reform that will give us the option to vote "none of these candidates", bad, now, soon:

"Since 1975, Nevadans have had the choice of voting for “None of These Candidates,” which appears as a ballot line along with the named candidates. The option has waxed and waned in popularity. But in 1976, None of These Candidates actually won the plurality of votes in the Republican primary for a United States House seat. (The nomination was awarded to the second-place finisher, Walden Earhart.) And in other cases, the ballot option has played a spoiler role: the 1.2 percent of voters who selected None of These Candidates in the 1996 presidential race was larger than the margin separating Bill Clinton and Bob Dole. And in the 1998 Senate race, the 8,125 votes for None of These Candidates easily outdistanced the 395-vote margin between Harry Reid and John Ensign, allowing Mr. Reid to be re-elected."

In Nevada, no one is someone to watch

Duck Friday

September 2, 2010

Huge and lusty research effort by member of parliament

"Conservative NSW MP Fred Nile had denied accessing porn sites from his office and says that members of his staff were simply researching links on certain websites.

He denied this morning a report in The Daily Telegraph that he accessed porn sites up to 200,000 times."

Fred Nile caught in web

September 1, 2010

Stuff middle-aged people should never do in public

Exhibit A - Demi Moore dancing in public

Exhibit B - Ashton Kutcher watching, in unadulterated pain, as Demi Moore dances in public

Wednesday Wisdom

Newspapermen learn to call a murderer 'an alleged murderer' and the King of England 'the alleged King of England' to avoid libel suits.

Stephen Leacock