August 27, 2010

THIS is a rescue mission

Pushing the Tasmanian Beaconsfield rescue and survival firmly into the league of small, piddling, doddle (come on class, remember Todd & Brant & Larry (dec.)), over in Chile they might need as long as another three months to drill through 2000 feet of rock to save the lives of 33 miners who have been trapped in the bowels of the earth since 05 August.

So far, no one has wanted to tell the Chilean miners how long they're going to be down there.

Chile ... Long Mine Rescue

Duck Friday

August 25, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Paul Valery

August 23, 2010


The voters have spoken: we don't want politicians running the country.

Or Bob Brown.

August 19, 2010

Australian Federal Politics

While suturing up a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand had been caught in the gate while working his cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Julia Gillard [Tony Abbott] being our prime minister.

The old farmer said, "Well, ya know, Julia [Tony] is just a Post Tortoise."

Now not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked,

What's a "Post Tortoise?"

The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a Tortoise balanced on top, that's a post Tortoise."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know she [he] didn't get up there by herself [himself], she [he] doesn't belong up there, she [he] doesn't know what to do while she's [he's] up there, she [he] sure as hell isn't goin' anywhere, and you just wonder what kind of dumb bastard put her [him] up there in the first place."

Happy voting folks.

May [insert deity of choice] have mercy on us all.

(The Post Tortoise story bought to you by Kathy.F of Perth. This post has been authorized and typed by me, formerly of Canberra. It was previously spoken by a farmer, allegedly.)

August 18, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

If a man goes nowhere and there's no-one there to see him, did he ever leave?

August 12, 2010

Dah News

Tony Abbott has admitted that he's not Bill Gates.

I'm no Bill Gates: Abbott stumbles on broadband plan

(Now, via process of elimination, if only Julia Gillard would list all of the people she isn't, so that we could establish who she is, and maybe K.Rudd could be encouraged to unmask Kevin - Therese would like to know who she's been married to for all these years.)

Escape shutes to be rolled out

Following the success of a lone flight attendant expressing his workplace angst by grabbing a beer and making a hasty exit from his place of work, inflatable emergency escape slides will be trialed at all post offices, with a view to implementation in all industries with an identified and cost-effective need.

Fed up flight attendant makes sliding exit

August 11, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

The only thing that stands between the ordinary person and utter depravity is opportunity.

Oscar Wilde

August 9, 2010

They know this is stupid, right?

Not as stupid as the 2010 Australian federal election, but a close contender:

A Turkish groom celebrated his wedding by unleashing a volley of rapid aerial shots with an AK-47. He then lost control of the rifle, killed his father, two of his aunties and wounded eight other people.

Lesson learned: celebrate the joy of being married by eating frosted cake.

We can all attempt to do the same on the evening of 21 August 2010.

August 8, 2010

Athiest promises to distribute more chaplains

A Gillard government, if reelected, will provide $222M for an extra 1000 school chaplains to be distributed across the country, and to extend the existing program for an additional three years.

Confused yet?

Lost in a sea of compelling political principles?


This election has been a bit like that.

Happy families

After the enforced love in, everyone looked a little tired and emotional.

"My fellow [Australians]. As a young [girl], I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom." - Kodos gives a speech, "Treehouse of Horror VII"

[Julia continues to prove that all motion is not forward.]

Meanwhile, the ALP unveiled plans for the creation of a peer support program for grandparents. I'm an old hand at being an Oma, but if the federal Labor party believe I need a peer support program, 'cause I'm not doing it right, then, good-o - my vote has been won!

August 7, 2010

Fair Dinkum

Gillard is going backwards, backwards, backwards, not twirling, whirling forward, forward, forward.

August 4, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

The Power of Technology

Today, in a few minutes a person on a computer can make a mistake so great, that just a few years ago it would have taken many men many months to equal it.


August 2, 2010

Gillard shows the real ... Abbott

Within minutes of announcing that she would throw out the rule book of campaigning and show her true colours (red, isn't it?), a defiant Gillard said that she would also expose every dirty nook and cranny of the real Abbott.

Jeez. Don't know about you, but to me that sounds awfully like a switch and bait, and awfully, awfully, like yeh olde traditional election campaigning.

Nothing new to see, then.

Let the asininity continue.

August 1, 2010

Mother of the bride dressing

A taste of things to come: Bill and Hillary attend a pre-wedding knees-up.