July 26, 2010

Vital Politics

Today the Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, announced that the ALP will help train more than 3000 emergency department nurses and doctors throughout the land if they win the federal election.

How the members of the ALP have suddenly became qualified to train doctors and nurses was a question left unanswered, along with where members of the ALP would find time to provide this important service.

Ms Gillard (she of the barren uterus and shriveling ovaries) said that up to 2000 emergency nurses would be trained DURING THE NEXT DECADE.

Which is probably roughly the same number of emergency nurse who would be trained DURING ANY RANDOM DECADE.

Additionally, 1000 student nurses would get "vital experience" in emergency departments.

"Vital experience"?!

I will henceforth endeavor to only suffer nothing more serious than a "vital medical emergency".

Tucked into the package was the training of an additional 270 emergency doctors DURING THE NEXT DECADE.

Yes. I will let you do the maths on all of that.

(More than ten emergency nurses to be distributed across each doctor, you say?! Twenty seven new emergency doctors per year, you say?! To be shared around 737 public acute hospitals, you say?!)

"My fellow [Australians]. As a young [girl], I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom." - Kodos gives a speech, "Treehouse of Horror VII"


  1. Election time....... It's kind of like a reverse Christmas. You get told what your going to get and then you don't get any of it anyway.

  2. Yes, yes, that's exactly how it is Dan!

    We're being taunted with promises of a pony each, yet all we'll end up with is one Gillard or one Abbott - to be shared by all.