July 31, 2010

Cheryl's back

No feather boa and no Gareth, but Cheryl's back.

She's running with a bunch of other independents under the slogan "change politics!".

Change politics?

Come on, pull the other one.

Oh. Yeah. She did.

Kernot to run for senate

Craig.W Might be Right

Only days ago my knee-jerk reaction to Craig.W's suggestion that the Libs had a pretty decent chance of winning this federal election was to say 'nay, ain't gunna happen'.

The ALP took an absurd gamble in dumping Rudd, not only the action itself, but the manner in which it was done. It had an unholy whiff to it. Even in the world of politics, the stench was putrid.

Having done the deed, for the greater good of the party - so the story-board goes - it would be no small irony if our first female PM also ends up being our shortest serving PM.

My first post when Gillard did the deed was to suggest the ALP was dead. I changed my mind. As you do. Now it looks as if my first thought was not so off track.

I might also owe Craig.W an apology.

This election, for all it's lack of color and movement, so bereft of substance or risk, is set to be one of the most interesting.

Even if Gillard is not lying awake at night asking the question, it's a dead-cert that her colleagues are, or should be: what the hell have we done?

Win or lose, the federal ALP is officially a haunted party. The ruddy smell will never go away.

July 28, 2010

Gillard, or someone like her

At least there are no feather boas. Small mercy.

Nice photoshopping.

PM poses for glam magazine spread

Wednesday Wisdom

In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.

Napoleon Bonaparte

July 26, 2010

Vital Politics

Today the Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, announced that the ALP will help train more than 3000 emergency department nurses and doctors throughout the land if they win the federal election.

How the members of the ALP have suddenly became qualified to train doctors and nurses was a question left unanswered, along with where members of the ALP would find time to provide this important service.

Ms Gillard (she of the barren uterus and shriveling ovaries) said that up to 2000 emergency nurses would be trained DURING THE NEXT DECADE.

Which is probably roughly the same number of emergency nurse who would be trained DURING ANY RANDOM DECADE.

Additionally, 1000 student nurses would get "vital experience" in emergency departments.

"Vital experience"?!

I will henceforth endeavor to only suffer nothing more serious than a "vital medical emergency".

Tucked into the package was the training of an additional 270 emergency doctors DURING THE NEXT DECADE.

Yes. I will let you do the maths on all of that.

(More than ten emergency nurses to be distributed across each doctor, you say?! Twenty seven new emergency doctors per year, you say?! To be shared around 737 public acute hospitals, you say?!)

"My fellow [Australians]. As a young [girl], I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom." - Kodos gives a speech, "Treehouse of Horror VII"

July 25, 2010

Diety of choice hands out gift of horseshoe throwing

If you've ever wondered what a perfect horseshoe thrower looks like, click the link.

He answers to the name of Alan Francis.

He throws horseshoes better than anyone in the entire world.

“I’ve worked hard, honing that skill,” Francis said. “At the same time, it’s a gift. I think I was given the ability to do it.”

Perfection in the horseshoe pit

Dithering bully

The annals will record that the shafting of Kev Rudd was all down to his shifting identity, combined with being, fundamentally, entirely unsuited to leadership.

Gillard's policies are as idiotically lacking in vision as were Rudd's, but at least her personality and temperament doesn't flap about in the wind, even if her hair-do is a work in perpetual progress.

"Doesn't play well with other kiddies" pretty much sums up why Rudd was dumped.

While I had my doubts, a piece from The Australian a couple of weeks ago is convincing.

For those who had to work with him - the party, the public servants, the business stakeholders, the fetch and carry people - the man was a nightmare. For the same reasons, on the same causal spectrum, as a PM, he was useless.

Yes, he had to go, but it begs the question of how and why the ALP, yet again, selected a singularly unsuitable leader. His essence was known. The same deal as when they selected Latham. Both men were shrill and out of their depth.

"... he leaves with the labels of amateur, the apprentice prime minister who in the end could not survive. His policy problems arose not from ideology but from chaotic process, a lack of intuition and an inflexibility which, in turn, were a reflection of Rudd's personality."

This tells us as much about the ALP as it does about Rudd.

Win at any price.

It was ever thus.

Rudd - The Enemy Within

July 22, 2010

Arse over t ...

Over in Lubeck, Germany, a couple fell out of an apartment window in the midst of what turned out not to be the best, steamy, cheating sex of their lives.

Instead of a good night's sleep and a shot of bonding hormones, they came away from the encounter with broken bones and head injuries.

I think there's a lesson in that for all of us.

July 21, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.

Friedrich von Schiller

July 17, 2010

Election 2010

"My fellow [Australians]. As a young [girl], I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom." - Kodos gives a speech, "Treehouse of Horror VII"

(Horror quote via the ever staunch and handy-dandy John.G.Martin -


Tony Abbott comes out punching, fully clothed and with a tie on.


He made Gillard sound like the evasive, lying, faction-beholden, irresponsible, wiggly-worm pollie that she is.


Game on.

Forward, forward, forward!!!

Gillard is determined to take us forward, forward, FORWARD!

Not backwards, not sideways, not bouncing on one spot, not zig zaggy, not in circles, not left or right, not upside down, not right way up - but forward, marching ever, ever, ever FORWARD!

[ All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward. ~ Ellen Glasgow]

Rampaging Ranga Pounces

Our gaff prone PM will go to an election on 21 August 2010, and so will we, traipsing out in the midst of winter to tick a box.

In less than three weeks Gillard has already lost her bounce, with polls showing that the electorate is still holding out against the ALP.

Maybe it's time that pollsters stopped offering loaded questions, or stopped believing the answers.

Clearly, Rudd was not the problem and Gillard has not proven to be the solution.

Could it be it was the policies all along, the waste, the failures, the evasion from responsibility? (Well, all except Garrett - boy did he get screwed.)

Gillard by a nose? Probably.

July 16, 2010

Mopey and whiny

.. he has also irritated some senior US officials in the past fortnight in numerous phone calls to Washington. "Kevin has been whiny and mopey," said one. "There's been too much 'if only' this and 'if only' that. He needs to just suck it up and get on with things."

Obama phoned Rudd first

Duck Friday

July 14, 2010

A tsunamis of wrongness

Even the experts get it wrong, which is, mostly, an unremarkable observation of the obvious.

Wrong, David Freedman's book, is right, the magnitude of the problem is much greater than in our worst case scenario imaginings.

The findings of two out of every three published medical studies fail to hold up.

When you consider that the truth claims of less highly-educated and credentialed experts - such as the inventor of the latest diet or management fad, or spruiker for yet another pending environmental disaster - are on average even less reliable, you start to realize we’re awash in untrustworthy advice, untrustworthy science.

The adage that "truth will out" is false.

There are thoughts and beliefs.

Movements, political policies, medicine, entire economies, and much more, are based, with impunity, on nothing more than our passing thoughts and beliefs.

Martin Amis borderline lunatic (and still unattractive)

Amis said: "It's sort of funny that the Australians, one of the most macho and borderline gay cultures on earth, has a female Prime Minister."

World ruled by women would be better place, says Martin Amis

Wednesday Wisdom

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.

Lord Acton

July 12, 2010

Celebrity dies from own tongue lashing

Dear Mr Gibson

You are dead to us.

Yours sincerely
Everyone in the entire fucking universe

July 10, 2010

A wise and patient man once said

And asked whether he was disappointed by what had happened to his advice, he replied, ''believe it or not, not really, or at least not much''.

''After 25 years of providing difficult and controversial or contentious advice to government, it is almost something of a surprise when something does get up.''

Ken Henry, Secretary, The Treasury, June 2010

New tax worse for jobs, says Henry

Civility in the realms of espionage

Lovely to see that the warm and wiggly relations between the US and Russia have resulted in a prompt and civilized exchange of spies.

See how easy it is if all the kiddies plays nice?

US trades Russian spies

With great freedom comes great responsibility

Alas, the freedom seeking monkeys were unprepared for the responsibility of decision making and self governance.

Despite the intelligence demonstrated by their great escape, the primates appeared unsure what to do with their freedom: they remained by the gates of the centre and were lured back by scientists with peanuts.
Monkeys catapult to freedom

Chuckle time with Borowitz

Millions Watch Rich Guy Get New Job

Wealthy Man’s Giant Payday Draws Huge Audience

GREENWICH, CT (The Borowitz Report) – Millions of Americans huddled around their televisions Thursday night, transfixed by the spectacle of an incredibly wealthy man getting a new job.

In living rooms, bars, and restaurants across the country, a record audience gathered to watch the rich guy announce who would be signing his massive new paychecks.

In New York’s Times Square, Tracy Klugian, 27, was one of thousands who braved the blistering temperature to watch the multimillionaire reveal the location of his new employer.

“I wouldn’t have missed this for anything,” Mr. Klugian said. “For anyone who considers himself a fan of the rich getting richer, this was must-see TV.”

Based on the record ratings for its special featuring the rich guy, ESPN announced that instead of airing NBA games it would instead schedule two-hour specials showing the rich guy cashing his ginormous paychecks.

BP Says Oil in Gulf Must be Changed Every Six Months

Bad Situation Gets Worse

GULF OF MEXICO (The Borowitz Report) – At a time when many thought that news out of the Gulf of Mexico couldn’t get any worse, BP announced today that the oil in the Gulf needs to be changed every six months.

“The oil will need to be changed every six months or every 15,000 lies,” said the BP spokesman. “Whatever comes sooner.”

The announcement about the oil change came on the heels of BP’s decision earlier in the week to separate the Gulf into two sections, full-serve and self-serve.

Sensing that the company was staring down a deepening public relations disaster, BP CEO Tony Hayward attempted to sound a compassionate note: “If this sort of damage were being inflicted on my yacht, I would be devastated.”

According to experts, the BP oil spill is now the second-worst leak in U.S. history, after Michael Steele’s mouth.

July 7, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Groucho Marx

July 5, 2010


The most popular Google "how to" enquiry from Australian users during the last three months was "how to have sex", followed by "how to kiss".

(Small tip people: worry about the kissing firstly, the sex secondarily ... it's a girl thing.)

But it's not all about how to keep warm and snugly in winter.

How to make paper planes, write a biography and solve Rubik's cube were also matters of priority for little Aussies.

July 3, 2010

We like our heroes broken

Yes, it's stale news.

The rapid rise and equally rapid fall of K.Rudd.

Each event spectacular and history-making in it's own way.

Earlier this week, Malcolm Turnbull, of all people, wrote the most elegant, eloquent and deeply empathetic epitaph.

"As I watched the downfall of a man with whom I had battled day after day, I could feel the cruel emptiness engulfing him.

Someone asked me what I would say to him. There is nothing you can say. All I could think was: ''Someone should give this poor bastard a hug.''

Axed and humiliated ...