Ben Cousins doesn't do it for me. Never has. He has a slapable face: pretty, smug, arrogant.
The man brims-to-overflowing with insouciance, which in anyone else would be honey-bee attractive.
A little bit of Ben is too much Ben.
Except when it comes to drug testing.
He's a footballer, but apparently, if any team offers to take him in, Ben will become the world's most drug-monitored individual in the world, with the possibility of thrice weekly urine tests, topped-up with whatever number of hair strand drug tests and whatnot throughout the the year.
Cousins' has never tested drug-positive by the AFL. Never.
Cousins' has never been convicted of a crime of a violent or non-victim impacted nature.
Cousins' has no affect on public policy, the passing of legislation, the economy, or the cultural and social norms of our times.
No footballer warrants such intrusive and abusive treatment proposed by the AFL.
There is always the chance that St Kilda will not take him, and that would leave no team wanting him.
It may all be for the best.
With his game over Ben could continue to wax every aspect of his person without fear of anyone demanding that he grow back a minimum three centimetres worth of head, arm or genital hair so as to facilitate the outrageous testing regime that would be imposed on his being.
Cousins on notice