October 17, 2008

Laughter & Forgetting

WASHINGTON—In a nationally televised address to the American people Wednesday night, President Bush called upon every man, woman, and child to spiral uncontrollably downward into complete and utter panic.

Speaking from the Oval Office, Bush assured citizens that in these times of great uncertainty, the best and only course of action is to come under the throes of a sudden, overwhelming fear marked by hysterical or irrational behavior.

"My fellow Americans, the time for running aimlessly through streets while shrieking and waving our arms above our heads is now," Bush said. "I understand that many of you are worried about your economic future and our situation overseas, and you have every right to be. Yet there is only one thing we as a nation can do in times like these: give up all hope and devolve into a lawless, post-apocalyptic, every-man-for-himself society."

Bush Calls for Panic


  1. Anonymous8:17 AM

    I foresaw all this and began running aimlessly, shrieking and waving my arms, about a month ago.

  2. Anonymous9:35 AM





    er um..

  3. A month ago? You must be getting very tired Jacob. Have a rest, stop waiving your arms for a few minutes.

    And then there are the *clever* folk, who all got out of the market at just the right time, like, err, yesterday.

    The real value of "the market": jack shit.

    All illusion & hysterics.