August 15, 2008

Penis protection program

In Darwin yesterday a man was granted an interim domestic violence order in the hope of preventing his former girlfriend from cutting off his penis.

The terrified Tony Goodchild thanked the judge before hurrying out of the court clutching two backpacks and his newly issued DVO, presumably to high-tail it back to the long grass where he has been hiding from the ex-girlfriend since she bashed him up.

The magistrate insisted that Goodchild swear on the bible that he was not merely inventing the threat to cut off his penis. Thus satisfied, the judge bestowed the injunction.

We wish Goodchild and his penis a long and safe future together.


  1. Boy, the Almighty's going to be pissed if he finds Goodchild was actually lying!

  2. Not to mention that the judge will feel a right proper dill if all is eventually revealed in heaven.

    Personally, I found Goodchild a compelling witness to his own predicament.

    When the judge demanded of him: "You're not just making this up are you?".

    Goodchild responded: "No".

    No ambiguity there! No siree.