July 12, 2008

Drinking Wisdom

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid."

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up . . . reading." Henny Youngman

"In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer." Dave Barry

"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." George Burns

"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools." Ernest Hemmingway

"If your doctor warns that you have to watch your drinking, find a bar with a mirror." John Mooney

"I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver." Phil Harris

"Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink." Unknown

"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty". Joe Lewis

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