September 3, 2007

Satorial guidelines for APEC protests

It would seem that there really are protest-rent-a-crowds and some of them even have group names and dress codes.

So, if you're up Sydney-way, staring at your wardrobe in a quandary, well, quandary no more!

Tips for dressing correctly for your next date with the police are provided by the SMH:

"Another Asia-Pacific Economic Co-operation forum, another protest, another dilemma: what to wear?

And there's less than a week to the Stop Bush Coalition's two events - a little soiree outside Sydney Town Hall on Tuesday at 5pm and then Saturday morning's big shebang that finishes at Hyde Park.

With the coalition protesting against everything from the "war on terrorism" to climate change to workers' rights, attracting everyone from concerned citizens to greenies, unionists and extremists, thankfully, the anarchists have stepped in to stop fashion chaos.

No trippy-hippy, tie-dyed, rainbow-coloured clothing for these hardliners. They are going for simple neutrals this protest season with just a splash of colour. Most of the loose affiliations - don't call them organisations because that would imply hierarchy - go for black, which is fabulous for formal functions later that evening.

While the anarchists don't like to make loud fashion statements, they like to be heard.

Black Bloc - a transnational loose affiliation - likes to attack big chain shops in black hoodies with a red bandanna. They may not share the same views or principles but at least they share the same colour palette. Inspired by Black Bloc, Sydney's Arterial Bloc destroyed a police truck and hurled anything they could get their hands on at last year's G20 meeting in Melbourne. They go for white overalls and bandannas.

Members of Mutiny go for dark hoodies, too, but let anarchy reign when it comes to accessorising. Antifa, the transnational anti-fascists, prefer street wear with anti-fascist logos.

It all sounds rather drab until we get to the socialists with their love of primaries. And we can all be thankful for the hippies with their op-shop cast-offs and rainbows."

All of which rules out APEC protesting duties for Timmy.T and his splendiferous bow tie (and other crimes against fashionistas everywhere; oh, all except his fedora, which is really cool, and helps Timmy blend in with Amish folk the world over, but not, alas, with Members of Mutiny).

13 comments:

  1. Dash it all! And I was so looking forward to expressing my deeply-felt dissatisfaction with the imperialist structure of late-Capitalist society!

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  2. See, and you thought we were only mocking your bow tie in jest.

    No siree.

    We are well aware that your bow tie (and striped shirt) makes you a protest pariah.

    No black hoodie, no protester ticket buddy!

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  3. I thought the bow tie said all of that already. Only slightly less sarcastically.

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  4. My comment made more sense when Caz's wasn't there - honestly.

    Pariah...ye-es...

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  5. I think it's time for a return to the dapper protests of old. What do we want? A cup of tea! When do we want it? Oh, as soon as you can make it, old fellow, don't trouble yourself too much - er, that is, NOW!

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  6. Oh yes, those. I remember them well.

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  7. Protests should be happy and festive.

    "What do we want?

    APEC shirts!

    ..."

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  8. This is another of those occasions where I'm channelling my father and would very much like to take to the streets with guns, grenades, and a bitch of an attitude. Damn, those 'nam flashbacks are getting worse...

    Fuck sides - it's be against anyone who gets in my way.

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  9. Oh, cool, I can see the headlines now:

    "Unnamed women - with beautiful eyebrows - attacks protesters"

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  10. I shall buy a special bandana just for the purpose.

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  11. Darn it, you're such a tease.

    Now I'm gunna want photo's!

    *Nails running like a bull at security fence*

    *Nails dismembers Members of Mutiny with her bare teeth*

    *Nails runs between legs of long row of constabulary, un-holstering 25 guns and hiding them up the sleeves of her tasteful hoodie*

    *Nails throws eight grenades, wipes her brow with her bandanna, fires six guns all at once as she high-tails it across Sydney Harbor bridge, making chopper noises and throwing smoke rings to distract perusers*

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  12. It's completely irrelevent but my dad does the best mime of throwing a hand grenade that I have ever seen. Okay, so maybe I haven't seen that many people mime throwing hand grenades but, really, he rocks. He even mimes the moment of explosion. Hysterical.

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  13. I'm impressed, and I haven't even seem him do his thing.

    I have no exposure whatsoever to hand grenade throwing mimes, therefore, I am happy to concur that your dad does, in fact, do THE best hand grenade throwing mime of anyone in the entire world.

    In short, he has more talent than me.

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