September 29, 2007

The Cats Roar - Premiers 2007!!!!!!!!

Breaking a 44 year drought, the mighty Geelong set a grand final record, pulverizing the other team to win by a stunning 119 points!!!!!!!!

Yes, it was a catwalk!

On ya guys!

On ya Bomber!

Game of the Gods

Up there Cazaly

Don't let 'em in

Fly like an angel

You're out there to win

GO THE CATS!!!!!!!!

Caaaarrnn the Cats!!!!!!!!

Local pub - South Yarra

Coach Mark Thompson and Captain Tom Harley

Gary (Most Valuable Player 2007) and Nathan Ablett

Jimmy Bartel (Brownlow winner, 2007) and Cameron Ling

Our Mascot

September 28, 2007

September 26, 2007

Earth to Penis

An Croatian motorbike rider was knocked unconscious when lightning struck his penis during a roadside toilet break.

Ante Djindjic, 29, escaped relatively unscathed from the incident, suffering only light burns to his chest and arms.

He said: "I don't remember what happened. One minute I was taking a leak and the next thing I knew I was in hospital.

"Doctors said the lightning went through my body and because I was wearing rubber boots it earthed itself through my penis."

"Thankfully, the doctors said that there would be no lasting effects, and my penis will function normally eventually."

Oops - err, no she didn't

My bad.

Amazing how easily we're conditioned and suckered by popular culture and MSM.

I saw this heading and thought ... well, the obvious, right?

"Brit caught with heroin in vagina"

Yet, it turns out the story had nothing to do with Britney Spears.

Rather, it was a 45 year old British traveler caught at Sydney airport with 260 grams of heroin.

Cryptically, the report explained:

"Australian Federal Police said during a search of the woman and her baggage, the package of heroin was discovered in her vagina."

It happens.

Wednesday Wisdom

Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.


September 25, 2007

Lesbian couple not lacking initiative

It would seem that our broken-down and damaged lesbian parent couple, who shopped for one healthy baby, but felt sorely ripped-off when they got two, are not so woe begotten, bedraggled or crushed by their devastating experience that they couldn't find the energy and wherewithal to high-tail it to Canberra purely to be able to sue their IVF doctor.

Yes, their ability to take the initiative and throw themselves into the practicalities of caring for twins was deflated like a kiddies party balloon, but not their ability to shop around like starving cockroaches for a court jurisdiction with the right loophole.
"I think that a healthy baby is not a damage and that loop hole should be closed off as they have done in Queensland, NSW and Victoria,'' he told ABC radio today.

"In particular this couple became tourists and came back to the ACT to mount this case so we now have the dubious reputation of being a litigation tourism destination."
Herald Sun ...

Meanwhile, the colorful and litigious world of gay parenting has headed to the family court with mum and mum on one side and dad and would-be dad on the other.

"A lesbian mother is battling to stop the gay father of her child from having his homosexual lover declared one of the child's parents.

The Family Court heard this week the mother had been in a relationship with another woman for about 10 years when she asked a gay friend to impregnate her.

The court heard that even though the child's mother and father lived apart they agreed they would both have a role in the child's upbringing.

The mother, however, is fighting attempts by the father to have the court recognise his gay lover as the child's second father."

Herald Sun ...

Record of Achievement - Bob Brown: Zero

Political pop quiz:

1. Who is Lyn Allison?

[The leader of the Democrats.]

2. How many senate seats will the Democrats probably lose in the next election, thereby sending them into the howling dust bowl of political history?


3. How many amendments to legislation have the Democrat senators influenced, negotiated and drafted?

[Thousands. There once was a time when the Democrats, with their little representation of nine senators, had final say on almost all legislation.]

4. Who is Bob Brown?

[Yes siree, you already know that one; you could answer it in your sleep. Good for you. Never say that Bob's PR machine doesn't work.]

5. Of the 2000 bills that have passed the senate since 1996 how many have Bob Brown materially effected?

[One. It was a bill to set up the Constitutional Convention.]

6. How much time do the Green's spend on the hard graft of committee work and the tortures of negotiating with other parties?


7. Does Bob Brown - sterling leader of all things Green - exercise an influential senate vote?

[Bob's standard modus operandi is to vote "no" or to not show up.]

The main legal instrument used by environmentalists to stop developments that may harm the environment is the Environment Protection and Biodiversity Conservation Act of 1999.

8. Prior to the Act passing the senate, how many amendments did the Democrats successfully negotiate with the government?

[About 490.]

9. Prior to the Act passing the senate, how many amendments did the Greens successfully negotiate with the government?


10. Prior to the Act passing the senate, how many amendments did the Greens propose?


11. How did Bob Brown vote when the (amended) Environment Protection and Biodiversity Conservation Act of 1999 was presented to the senate?

[The Green leader did turn up. He voted against the legislation.]

12. Are the Democrats useless?

[It would seem so. All across Australia voters continue to use their pencils against the Democrats.]

13. Are the Greens useful?

[It would seem so. All across Australia voters continue to use their pencils in favor of the Greens.]

For nine years the Democrats were responsible for holding the Coalition back from their worst and most destructive excesses.

The last three years have been the result of the loss of the Democrat's influence, the loss of anyone responsible holding a balance of power in the senate.

It is possible, even likely, that Bob Brown and the Greens will hold the balance of power after the next federal election.

If so, the ALP will either rule with gay abandon, with no one to stop them, not even a handful of hard working, committee-hugging, negotiation-loving, weary Democrats; or they will barely rule at all, with the Greens voting against all legislation, at least when they deign to turn up.

The Age - So, is the party over?

September 21, 2007

Whooooo, hoooooo!!!!!!!!!


We are Geelong, the greatest team of all

We are Geelong, We're always on the ball

We play the game, as it should be played

At home or far away

Our banners fly on high, from dawn to dark

Down at Kardinia Park

So stand up and Fight, Remember our Tradition

So stand up and Fight, It's alway's our Ambition

Thourghout the game we fight with all our might

Cause we are Blue and White

And from when the Ball is bounced, to the final bell


Duck Friday

September 20, 2007

On ya Bomber!

The Honerable Kim Beazley MP
Electoral Division of Brand (WA)

Big Kimbo bowed our of politics today, after 27 years of public service and dedication.

A truly honorable man with a big intellect and an even bigger ticker.

September 19, 2007

Taxing Rudd's Mind

"Visiting Queanbeyan today, Mr Rudd was asked by a journalist to name the tax rates and where thresholds kick in.

Mr Rudd replied: "Well, as of July 1, if you went through the four thresholds, I think the high threshold kicks in I think at $175,000, then I think it cascades down the spectrum.''

Mr Costello seized on the blunder, attacking Mr Rudd in parliament and pressing him to release Labor's tax policy.

"He couldn't name a single rate, he couldn't name a single threshold, and the one threshold that he named of $175,000 ... just doesn't exist,'' Mr Costello told parliament.

"Since the Labor Party demands an election to be called on a daily basis, you would think they might have the decency of releasing a policy so that people can know what it is.''

Mr Costello said tax thresholds don't cascade.

"Cascade is a form of beer, it is not a form of tax threshold.

"This would be amusing if it were not serious.''
And it is.

This isn't a cheap shot, like asking a pollie if they know the price of bread (they don't, why bother asking).

In my living memory there has never been a tax rate that cuts in at the likes of $175 K. Ever. The highest tax rate has always been applied at a much lower income level.

Let's spell this out: Rudd is 54 years old (or thereabouts?). I would expect most people of that age, politician or not, to have some clue about tax rates. Of a politician, I would expect them to not only know about current tax rates, but to also have significant knowledge and understanding of the history of taxation practices in this country. Rudd clearly knows neither.

(I wonder what he believes the average income to be?)

This is the man who is going to be our next Prime Minister?

Herald-Sun ...


Okay, the top tax rate currently cuts in at $150 K and from 01 July 2008 this will rise to $180 K.

The ALP have gone straight for the tit-for-tat (as you do), releasing a Howard tax gaffe from sometime back in parliament - don't know what those details are.

Meanwhile, Rudd has been forced to go public with an old health matter after details were "leaked" to Channel 9.

"The man who would be PM revealed last night that, about 15 years ago, he had an operation to replace his aortic valve with one from another person.

He said the faulty valve was caused by childhood rheumatic fever, that the operation was "a standard procedure" and he'd been "fit as a fiddle ever since".

As much as the leak allegedly comes from Liberal sources or supporters, the Libs won't run with this, so the matter will vanish quickly. It wouldn't surprise me to see a lot more of this type of thing: run something up the flag poll; pull it straight down again.

If Rudd persists with being a "small target", building a portfolio of small doubts, concerns and irritants, hoping that the cumulative effect is sufficiently corrosive, is probably a reasonable tactic from the Libs. Besides, they don't seem to having anything bigger to work with right now.

Dodgy Ticker ...

Nightmare Liner?

Don't they test little cars for longer than 6 months?

Probably even bicycles?
"Boeing's new 787 Dreamliner airliner may turn out to be unsafe and could lead to more deaths in crashes ...

The new aircraft, which is mostly made from brittle carbon compounds rather than flexible aluminum, is more likely to shatter on impact and may emit poisonous chemicals when ignited ...

The first 787 is due to be delivered to Japan's All Nippon Airways in May next year, meaning it will have at most six months of flight tests, much shorter than previous jetliner programs."
Australia's Qantas was to take delivery of the first of 45 Dreamliners in August 2008, but delays are expected. Qantas has an option on 70 additional Dreamliners.

As of September 2007, Qantas' record of never having lost a jet airliner still stands.

The Age ...

Wednesday Wisdom

"In China today, Bill Gates is Britney Spears. In America today, Britney Spears is Britney Spears -- and that is our problem."

Thomas L Friedman

September 18, 2007

Trash Mag Monitor

In a league of their own for "way too much information", Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie, were:

"snapped leaving London's Claridge's Hotel with Madonna carrying a transparent shopping bag containing a - err, (this could get a little embarrassing so turn away now if you blush easily), um, ah - strap-on dildo, called (cringe intensely) "The Purple Penetrator".

"Guy was scurrying along behind her like an excited schoolboy," reports Famous. "He hasn't been this excited since Madge pulled out her conical bra and suspender combo." The alarmingly large implement, pictured on the box, appeared to be a "gift" for Ritchie, who was celebrating his 39th birthday."
via SMH ...

Now that I think of it, Guy Ritchie and Brad Pitt have a lot in common: they both wander around looking like they stepped outside for some innocuous reason and got hit by a fleet of trucks. With Pitt, matters engendering such a look are readily apparent to all. Up until now, the reason behind Ritchie's look weren't fully explained, although we may have had our little suspicions.

Meanwhile: Britney forgot to put her undies on before leaving home - again. Okay, that's not a news flash, but it's a loss for the undies industry. More news worthy is the person escorting Brit-Brit for her night / morning out after her cringe-worthy MTV moment: her brother! Who knew that Brit had a big brother to lean in when the going gets rough?

Oh NO you don't!

Now listen up all you folk out there who believe you have a "right" to breed, along with the complementary rights to drain medical resources and funding:

From whence did this "right" come?

Having been so indulged, regardless of how fatuous the foundations of your claim, and having been amongst the tiny minority who have a successful outcome with the assistance of artificial conception technologies, you have no right to complain!

You especially have no right to sue anyone over the birth of not one but two healthy babies!

"A lesbian couple is suing a Canberra doctor after one of them gave birth to twins instead of one child.

In the first case of its kind in Australia, the couple, who now live in Melbourne, are suing Dr Robert Armellin for more than $400,000 to cover the cost of raising one of the twin girls until the age of 21.

The birth mother of the girls, who are now aged three, claims Dr Armellin implanted her with two embryos, when she told him minutes before the IVF procedure in November 2003 that she only wanted one.

The women, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, told the ACT Supreme Court today the mother suffered nausea during her pregnancy and in the latter stages could only move around with a walking stick.

[Oh my gosh: she suffered nausea; she had trouble moving around in the late stages of pregnancy!!! Exactly like any normal woman, going through a normal pregnancy? - ed]

She said she and her partner briefly considered adopting out one of the girls but dismissed the idea.

"You thought: `Which one am I not meant to have'?" Dr Armellin's barrister Kim Burke asked.

"Yes, I did," the woman replied.

She said adopting out one child would be unfair to both girls.

"The primary consideration was that adoption shifted the burden of responsibility for this situation onto the children," she said.

"The burden is not the children's to bear. The burden is ours alone."

[YES it IS you sniveling, odious, git. Oh, all except the "burden" part: your babies are a gift, a blessing, not a "burden" you worthless excuse for a mother - ed]

The woman said she enjoyed some aspects of the pregnancy, such as decorating the girls' nursery, but other parts were distressing, including purchasing a pram.

[Oh, well, there ya go: wants baby, but finds prams traumatizing - ed]

"It was like the last frontier of acceptance to spend hundreds of dollars on a pram," she said.

[Let me see: "we" didn't think this through very carefully did we now? A couple of hundred bucks for a pram - when you earn more than a six figure income - is one of the cheapest expenses you'll have for the duration of raising a child. Last frontier my arse! Big gulp now: ooh, aah, spend a couple of hundred on the baby I demanded to have with medical assistance, or buy a new pair of shoes? Jeez, I can see how that would have made any mother-to-be feel desperately ill with the new-found foisting of selflessness onto one's delicate little shoulders - ed]

The couple, whose combine income exceeds $100,000, are seeking $398,000 to cover the costs of raising one of the girls, including private school fees.

They also want around $15,000 to compensate them for time off work, plus an additional amount for medical expenses."

From The Australian ...

Oh, did I mention that I'm disgusted? Morally outraged? That these women make me nauseas?

September 17, 2007

Track 'em all over the land

The Australian Google folk have done some really neat work to help us track the upcoming - some time ... one of these months ... Federal election.

A number of little tools can be downloaded to your Google homepage (iGoogle), including political trends and all the local pollies up on YouTube, but the real zingers, for my money, are:
  • News From Your Seat - apart from being able to look up your own electorate, you can have hours of fun looking up every electorate in the country.
  • Australian MPs on the Record - this allows you to search any and all pollies, to find either their web site, or to find out every little thing they have ever said in parliament. You can even search their every utterance by topic, using the handy-dandy drop down menu.
This is cool stuff, and will provide hours of fun between now and election day.

To add tools, go to the specially developed Google 2007 Australian Federal Election page.

(Don't worry, deleting the tools when it's all over, or if you decide you don't want them after all, is a single "click and they're gone" action.)

September 16, 2007

Floaties for Aussie Sailors

Join the Australian Navy, demonstrate that your ability to perform your job is impaired without a set of DD cups, and, god bless 'em, Aussie tax payers will pick up the tab for your breast implants.
"Some women in the services need bigger breasts to address "psychological issues", the Australian Defence Force officials say.

An ADF spokesman admitted the cosmetic operations were done "at public expense" when there were "compelling psychological/psychiatric reasons"
If you're a cook with the Army and have a psychologically detrimental nose, we'll pay to fix your self-esteem, no worries.
"In August last year, it was revealed an army cook had a nose job funded by the taxpayer. The Defence Force defended the surgery."
"Cosmetic procedures undertaken solely for the purpose of preserving or improving a person's subjective appearance will be considered only if the underlying (psychological) problem is causing difficulties that adversely impact on the member's ability to do their job," he said."
Funny nose > peeling spuds > flipping burgers > preparing roast lamb?


Not getting it.

Small breasts > signaling landing of aircraft onto ship > reading map > bailing water?


Not getting it.

Herald Sun ...

Global warming paying off

Who would have thought global warming would pay off so quickly, 'ey?

Even Al Gore didn't predict such swift economic bonuses.

"LONDON (Reuters) - The Arctic's Northwest Passage has opened up fully because of melting sea ice, clearing a long-sought but historically impassable route between Europe and Asia, the European Space Agency said.

Sea ice has shrunk in the Arctic to its lowest level since satellite measurements began 30 years ago, ESA said, showing images of the now "fully navigable" route between the Atlantic and the Pacific.

A shipping route through the Northwest Passage in the Canadian Arctic has been touted as a possible cheaper option to the Panama Canal for many shippers."

Read at Reuters ....

September 15, 2007

What's wrong with OJ Simpson?

“I couldn’t believe it,” Mr. Beardsley told “For him to come and do this sort of thing, I don’t know what’s wrong with O.J"
Err, a lot, an awful lot.

memorabilia / hotel robbery thingy ...

Stairway to Kevin

In case anyone missed it, truly awesome.

The Chaser's War on Everything, ABC Television

September 14, 2007

Could they have been so stupid?

I was about to reply to comments on the earlier thread, with some speculative thoughts on whether the McCann's really would have been so stupid as to both accidentally overdose their toddler and to react by saying:

"Ooops, she overdosed, let's cover it up"; rather than

"OMG - call an ambulance, NOW!".

When, low and behold, the latest reports on this increasingly disturbing case say:

"Newspapers are reporting that toxicological tests on liquid found in the boot of the Kate and Gerry McCann's hire car found Madeleine had consumed a "significant" dose of sleeping tablets.

The France Soir newspaper, along with the British press, have reported the tests revealed the young girl had ingested enough pills to overdose."

I still have to resort to my sturdy trio: possible, probable, plausible?

Possible: yes, it is possible that she overdosed, it's a common event the world over, albeit, not with toddlers.

Probable: it's still not holding up, to my mind, mostly because I struggle to believe that two doctors would have gone straight for "cover up" as opposed to dialing the emergency number. No one believed it was probable that the dingo took the baby, so I'm averse to suggesting that it's impossible that a stranger took the toddler, particularly when their was an eye witness.

Plausible: not ratttling my plausibility chains yet, on the basis, as earlier discussed, that the body would have had to be hidden (in between the appetizer and the main course); a one month dead body tends not to drip blood or other fluids; they would have to be unbelievably crafty and callous people to hide the decaying body of their own child for a month and then relocated to a place it can never be found, all under the concentrated gaze of police, media and the public. The audacity of raising millions of dollars and keeping yourself and your [dead?] child in the public eye is also an uber-stretch for my imagination.

And, of course, we have the lingering memory of forensic scientists testing and testifying to things in the Chamberlain case that were 100% bullshit. It horrifies me to think that such "errors" might make it to court in this case. It's equally horrifying to consider that the parents are guilty, because, if they are, considering all of the circumstances, that would make both of them somewhat sociopathic, if not psychopathic; let's not forget too that both traits tend to be difficult to hide.

Latest report ....

Duck Friday

September 12, 2007

She's up and running!


Remember way back when, you know, all the way back in January, when we toyed around with Melbourne performance artist Danielle Freakley – aka the “Quote Generator”?

And remember when Danielle kindly jumped in to personally explain the broader context of her work and its various phases?

Okay, so you've forgotten all about it, but I've had a regular reminder in my calendar to check Danielle's Quote Generator URL, which had so far persistently failured to materialize into a web site, and I reported on such back at the end of March.

Well! And you kinda know where this is leading, non?

The Quote Generator has legs at last, even if only little ant sized ones.

I'm distressed to have to inform you that although the Quote Generator site is finally up and crawling (how hard is it to quote and blog at the same time, 'ey?) it has been established in the dreadfully arty, yet utterly hideous-on-the-eyes manner of black background with white font.

On a more positive note, however, the project seems to have acquired a new aspect, by way of endeavoring to breed an entire parliament of quote generators.
"Currently a site is being set up for selected candidates to converse in Quote Generated forums and chatrooms. 'The Quote Generators Collective' will not have to abide by the rules of Danielle Freakley's 'Quote Generator' solo project."
So as not to frighten off the fearful, Danielle offers encouragement to all comers:
"The selection will be as diverse and unique as the members tastes are. Astute academic convoluted chinstroking banter and words of low brow infomercial sludgy pigslop powwow and anything in between. All are welcome."
Convoluted chinstroking banter and words of low brow infomercial sludgy pigslop powwow?

Err, I think that covers us in a suitably flattering manner, non?

Danielle Freakley - Quote Generator

Wednesday Wisdom

"Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.

It’s already tomorrow in Australia."

Charles Schultz

September 11, 2007

Barely perfect

Lest you harbor a scintilla of envy toward Brangelina, a peculiar piece of fawning journalism appeared a little while ago to ease the burden.

A suitable degree of flamboyant gilding-the-lily was delivered, of course:

“She has skipped from sinner to saint, notoriety to respect, collecting tattoos and the world’s most widely desired man along the way, cleverly turning the media on itself by thrusting the issues that matter to her into its insistent face and arriving, at the age of 32, all grown up into some kind of blemish-free, modern-day media goddess, miraculously cleansed of past misadventures.”

But buried within the sycophancy were two utterly subversive and deliciously snarky irrelevancies:

"Like many people who are constantly photographed, in close-up Jolie’s features are disproportionate, almost cartoonish. What looks so beautiful on film is actually outsized in person: the huge green eyes, the enormous mouth that glistens with lascivious promise, the gleaming carnivorous teeth, all packed into the thin, pale face. She is just a freakishly fortunate fraction of a millimetre off not being beautiful at all."


Ang is barely a millimeter away from being the ugliest person on earth!

In fact, we could deduce that this saving grace is only true on film, while in real life the millimeter of near-hideous error actually makes people want to puke.


You don't need to envy Brad either:

"As the producer, Pitt, however, seems to have spent most of his time child-wrangling. As The New Yorker magazine recently pointed out, “His expression is sometimes that of a man who stepped out to hail a cab and got run over by a fleet of trucks.”


Brad is a total schmuck, just like any other guy.


The Australian ...

September 9, 2007

Hark of the dingo

The Lindy Chamberlain analogy is impossible to miss, particularly when it’s slapping you in the face and the teeniest drops of blood are belatedly found in a car.

In the Chamberlain case that “blood” turned out – years later – to be car sealant, but that didn’t stop forensic experts from testifying in court to it being the sprayed blood from a baby having its throat cut.

In the Madeleine McCann case the specks of blood have found their way into a car rented by her parents 25 days after she went missing. Blood at that stage would only be possible if the little girl had been kept alive for the intervening period. Let’s be blunt about this: dead bodies don’t drip blood.

Parents with twins in tow, along with a hoard of media and police, would have to be extraordinarily creative and devious to keep an injured or dead four year old hidden for a month, with no no one, no one at all, noticing anything peculiar about their activities. They would then have needed to dispose of the body, again, with no one noticing.

In addition to the blood, certain DNA “evidence” has been found on the mother’s clothing. Fancy a child’s DNA being on her mother’s clothes, hey?

“Kate McCann said she was also told by police that if she admitted that an accident happened because she was "stressed", then it would be the "best option" as her husband would be able to work again.

She told the newspaper that Portuguese police had taken away her copy of the Bible, believing that a crumpled page relating to a dead child indicated she had a guilty conscience.”

There you go: exhibit B – a crumpled bible page! How damning.

Crumpled bible page trumps eye witness:

“It was while Mr McCann was away from the table, having run into an acquaintance outside his apartment, that Jane Tanner, another friend, saw a man walking away from the McCann apartment carrying a child over his shoulder. The child was wearing pink pyjamas, as had been Madeleine.”

Short of an unforced plausible confession and a body, how can anyone believe that a mother, a doctor, killed her toddler for no reason, in the midst of a modern city while on holiday, and her cardiac surgeon husband helped to cover it up?

You would then also need to believe that for four months they have raised millions of dollars, elicited the support of celebrities, and traveled across Europe in the hope of finding their child, and it has all been an unspeakably well crafted performance. Contrary to the movies and television, real people are actually incredibly bad at hiding truth, and for the most part, bodies.

Here and here.


There is no DNA, from what I can deduce, rather:
"Police apparently believe that Mrs McCann, rather than her husband, is their main suspect because of a "scent of death" allegedly detected on her clothes and a bible by sniffer dogs trained to find a corpse."
Mystery dog? Check.
"There are likely to be dramatic developments in the next few days. People will be surprised by what else is going to come out."

"It is believe British detectives are carrying our urgent inquiries on behalf of the Poruguese police into the McCann's background."

"Investigators want to learn more about the state of their relationship and whether either of them are prone to losing their temper."
As Mrs McCann stepped out of a car:
"There were ugly scenes with booing and jeering from some Portuguese onlookers."
How does the probable murder of a four year old child so quickly become a circus freak show?

Being officially named as a suspect in your own child's murder based on the whiffing competence of one of our furry friends is a novel forensic and evidential twist.

I hate to say it, but they need to find a body, and then, one would hope, sufficient hard evidence to successfully prosecute someone, whoever he/she/they may be.

September 7, 2007

Baby gimme more

Oh yeah!

For the first time ever, we're going to see what Howard and Rudd can do with an extra one minute.

The heat is going to be on for the boys to perform during the federal election, with free to air television stations given permission to air an extra one minute of political advertising per hour.

Ordinarily confined to a barbarously terse 13 minutes of political advertising, this time we'll be satiated with 14 minutes, every hour, hour after hour.

Well, not every hour, exactly. Only in the alleged *prime time* hours, being the between 6.00pm to midnight, if you're interested in accuracy.

In total, for a six week campaign, for example, we would get an extra 4 hours and 20 minutes of bang-for-our-buck from Homunculus-Howard and Ratatouille -Rudd having it out on our tellies.

Have I said: "oh yeah!", like I meant it, yet?

Duck Friday

September 6, 2007

APEC happy snaps

Memories of APECs past.

At the 2004 APEC meeting in Chile world leaders wore ponchos called chamantos.

At the 2006 summit in Vietnam leaders donned traditional Vietnamese tunics for the funny photo op moment.

September 5, 2007

Wednesday Wisdom

"Pathetic earthlings! Hurling your bodies out into the void, without the slightest inkling of who or what is out there."

Ming the Merciless

The tyrant ruler of the planet Mongo. Ming appeared in the
Flash Gordon comic book (1934) and in the subsequent films.

All your Presidents are belong to us

The President of the United States of America finds a swift route from the airport to his Sydney hotel, with a little help from police, military Secret Service personnel, helicopters hovering overhead, snipers manning rooftops and dozens of guards keeping watch.

Random onlooker and solicitor, James Blaxland, said:
"I thought it was a lot of effort for not much, to be honest."

Yeah, sure, whatever James. Your thoughts took little effort for not much, to be honest.

Illustration only. Not actual food eaten by the President. Merely an unimpressive representation of humongous plate of fatty dead animal slabs.

"President Bush - a self-confessed "meat guy" - was snapped holding a plate with a large steak, two sausages, at least four prawns [at least four prawns! whoo, hoo!], a sliver of carrot and a small piece of corn.

Vicki Flood, from Sydney University's Centre for Public Health Nutrition, said Mr Bush's plate, piled up with surf 'n' turf with only a hint of vegetables, was a particularly unhealthy sight.

"The main concern with the plate is the quantity of the protein-rich foods, with a very small amount of vegetables and no breads at all," Dr Flood said.

While Dr Flood suggested the US Commander-in-Chief halve the amount of meat on his plate and add at least a couple more vegetables and some wholegrain bread, she said a food catastrophe could be avoided if he supped from a frugal plate tonight."

Yeah, sure, whatever Dr Flood. Just because a journalist asks, doesn't mean you should respond as if it's any of your business, ya know?

SMH ...

Random old guy protests at APEC.

A straggly couple of hundred school kiddies held a little march in Sydney today.

In addition, a group of five scantily-clad women walked around.

The women brandished anti-APEC signs, though were actually advertising a men's magazine.

I guess that means whole APEC gig has started off with a bang.

(Not the bad kind.)

September 4, 2007

September 3, 2007

Duh Research

At least another two years of baited breath before we know the insipid conclusions to some Queensland research into the increasingly assertive habits of snarky customers.
"Queensland University of Technology researcher Dominique Keeffe said aggressive customers were fast becoming the norm as people became more comfortable acting out their frustration with bad service and corporate bureaucracy.

Ms Keeffe said customers had always misbehaved but there was evidence it was happening more often.

"I've spoken to people who have death threats basically every second day, people who are verbally abused on a daily basis, so I think probably it's likely that didn't happen quite as much in the past,'' she said.

"Maybe social norms are changing a little bit that would make people more willing to speak up if things aren't to their satisfaction perhaps.''

What a load of mealy-mouthed timid crud.

"She said she hoped her research, to be completed across the next two years, would provide a clearer understanding of what drove abusive behaviour and what could be done to prevent it."

Ah, that would be: courteous, professional customer service, provided by knowledgeable and helpful service providers who manage to feign some interest in not destroying the reputation and profits of whichever organization had such unsound judgment as to hire them.

The antithesis of such, which is the general provocateur of abusive behavior, is approximately nine times more common than "misbehaving" customers. [Copyright to all made up statistics is owned by the blogger herein.]

News online ...

This is not a first-time gig for Ms Keeffe, who seems to be turning the obvious into a lucrative living with overseas trips as a side-perk.

More than a year ago Ms Keeffe was busy announcing these findings:

"The key to avoiding costly clean-ups and time-wasting was to ensure the consumer was satisfied in the first place.

“What we were trying to illustrate is it does pay you to take care of customers ..."

“It supports the old adage that it’s the quiet ones you have to watch.”

As opposed to the noisy death-threatening ones?

That research focused on 18 to 27 year olds, and concluded, rather circuitously, that "young people feel really powerless in the face of bad service ...".

I guess that's the finding you would expect if you only include young people in your small research sample, hey?

Ms Keeffe presented those findings at an international management conference in Atlanta, Georgia, in which she examined "how emotions can influence some dysfunctional consumer behavior."

Yeah?! Emotions can influence some dysfunctional consumer behavior?!

Oh, jeez-louise. No shit Sherlock!

Border Mail ...

Rudd wants to take away the hurt

The Internet is playing a slightly larger supporting role in this year's federal election than we have seen before.

By way of assisting that effort the ALP have popped up a little Howard Facts site, which will obviously run a negative campaign for the duration, while assiduously excluding any mention of the ALP or of Rudd, thereby, not at all subtly, attempting to manipulate voters into believing that the ALP and Rudd would never play the negative-nelly card.

This way they can throw mud and make assertions without being caught with dirty hands.

Which is a skill we love in our all pollies, isn't it?

If only Rudd and Gillard would care to present the methods by which they will lower the price of groceries, petrol, housing rents, and mortgage interest rates, all the while making industrial relations fairer and curing global warming. (All of which the Howard Facts site implies they will achieve if they win government.)

(We already know the Rudd method on Iraq: cut and run our 1,500 token services personnel.)

A peculiar design feature of Howard Facts is the provision of petitions for people to sign, currently offering the following non-chocolate coated selection:

  • Say no to Mr Howard's extreme IR laws
  • Act on the Housing Affordabilty Crisis
  • Withdraw our Combat Troops From Iraq
  • Support Commonwealth Funding for Dental Care
  • Australia needs an Education Revolution
  • A Fair Go on Petrol Prices
Alas, the site owners offer no clue as to the purpose or destination of these wholly superfluous petitions.

Satorial guidelines for APEC protests

It would seem that there really are protest-rent-a-crowds and some of them even have group names and dress codes.

So, if you're up Sydney-way, staring at your wardrobe in a quandary, well, quandary no more!

Tips for dressing correctly for your next date with the police are provided by the SMH:

"Another Asia-Pacific Economic Co-operation forum, another protest, another dilemma: what to wear?

And there's less than a week to the Stop Bush Coalition's two events - a little soiree outside Sydney Town Hall on Tuesday at 5pm and then Saturday morning's big shebang that finishes at Hyde Park.

With the coalition protesting against everything from the "war on terrorism" to climate change to workers' rights, attracting everyone from concerned citizens to greenies, unionists and extremists, thankfully, the anarchists have stepped in to stop fashion chaos.

No trippy-hippy, tie-dyed, rainbow-coloured clothing for these hardliners. They are going for simple neutrals this protest season with just a splash of colour. Most of the loose affiliations - don't call them organisations because that would imply hierarchy - go for black, which is fabulous for formal functions later that evening.

While the anarchists don't like to make loud fashion statements, they like to be heard.

Black Bloc - a transnational loose affiliation - likes to attack big chain shops in black hoodies with a red bandanna. They may not share the same views or principles but at least they share the same colour palette. Inspired by Black Bloc, Sydney's Arterial Bloc destroyed a police truck and hurled anything they could get their hands on at last year's G20 meeting in Melbourne. They go for white overalls and bandannas.

Members of Mutiny go for dark hoodies, too, but let anarchy reign when it comes to accessorising. Antifa, the transnational anti-fascists, prefer street wear with anti-fascist logos.

It all sounds rather drab until we get to the socialists with their love of primaries. And we can all be thankful for the hippies with their op-shop cast-offs and rainbows."

All of which rules out APEC protesting duties for Timmy.T and his splendiferous bow tie (and other crimes against fashionistas everywhere; oh, all except his fedora, which is really cool, and helps Timmy blend in with Amish folk the world over, but not, alas, with Members of Mutiny).

September 1, 2007

Hieroglyphics make come back

The NSW education department has admitted defeat, having given up entirely on teaching simple words like "move". Instead children will learn "wriggle" and "squirm", but only via drawings.

At long last hieroglyphics are making a welcome return to the class room.

Some bright spark has decided that drawing pictures instead of undertaking the arduous task of learning to spell words will improve literacy test results in primary school.

Having thusly stunted children's learning skills, teachers will fill the void of equally stunted imaginations by using cue cards to help children visualize a story being read to them.

SMH ...

Future job application.

Future shareholder's meeting: CEO outlines his weekly bonus scheme.

Future death notice.