August 9, 2007

Proof : men in lycra have decreased blood flow to brain

“An increasing number of otherwise normal Australians are shaving their legs, donning tight lycra (which leaves little to the imagination) and clogging up cafe sidewalks every weekend in order to fit into a growing subculture.”

Les Clarke, the deputy editor of Australia's leading road magazine, Ride Cycling Review, was asked why he had smooth legs.

"Basically it's a badge of honour that says 'Yes I'm a serious road cyclist' and 'Yes I want to look nice in lycra," Clarke said.

[Basically, it's a poncy, half-arsed vanity exercise. Give us a call when you've earned your back-crack-sack badge; only then will you look really pretty in lycra.]

"Clarke says there's "no embarrassment factor at all" when enjoying a coffee after a training ride."

[Not for him, just for everyone else, who have to find some scenic spot in the distance on which to focus and avert their eyeballs.]

"The harder you've ridden the more credibility you've got and the more license you have to be sitting around (in lycra)."

[No, you don't have a license to be anything other than a prostate wrenching tosser. "Credibility" and "lycra" in the same sentence is an oxymoron.]

The Age ...


  1. Anonymous7:58 PM

    I think men in lycra would also have decreased blood flow to their balls too, Caz!

  2. Well deserved, and a fact of which we can all be truly grateful Kath.

  3. That piece could so easily have been taken from "The Onion", don't you think Timmy?

    Some of the funniest lines I've read in a long time:

    "We aren't barbarians, but we don't want to sit in a hole and drink chardonnay and read a book."

    ""People can sit down, talk about history, chew the fat and gaze into each others eyes and all this sort of baloney but it's pie in the sky stuff,"

    "But Cr John McInerney said the council's plan, combined with a review of the state's liquor laws, might mean a proliferation of intimate wine bars that could employ pianists or guitarists."

    See, see! The barbarian's aren't at the gates yet!

    Pianists and guitarists, proliferating: there is still hope for Sydney!

    What a hoot.

  4. Not just decrease blood flow, but Lycra can cause an area to get quite hot... and I mean that strictly in the temperature sense.

    Why in the world do they need to shave?

  5. No man looks good in lycra, and very few women.