July 13, 2006

Women wed themselves

In an almost admirable act of desperation - far outstripping the average cat lady - women in Vancouver are resorting to marrying themselves. Of course, this raises any number of important questions, such as: how will the household chores by shared; which side of the bed to sleep on; how to divide the wedding presents in the event of a divorce, and who would get the house?

A less burning question has already been answered by “Observation”, who is convinced that Vancouver women are the most stuck-up women in the entire universe. Not being prepared to settle for anything less than the very best would help to explain why they choose to marry themselves. We wish them well.

Far less desperately, and with more realistic standards, a comely Indian lass has married the neighborhood cobra. While the snake declined to appear for the ceremony – a copper snake was provided as a facsimile groom – the unnamed cobra always appears for his bowl of milk, and has never harmed his new wife, thus suggesting that this will be a marriage free of domestic violence. The bride’s family has built a new home for her, situated near the anthill occupied by the groom. This is a modern twist to a unique love story, following in the path of many committed and monogamous, yet not cohabitating couples, who find that ‘his and her’ residences help to keep the passion alive and saves on broken crockery.

Not to be beaten in the romantic stakes, a gay Muslim made this enticing offer in an online dating forum:

"Hi, I am looking for a lesbian girl for marriage. I am gay but I would like to get married because of pressure from parents and society. I would like this marriage to be a 'normal' marriage except for the sex part, please don't expect any sexual relationship from me.”

For some, this describes a perfectly normal heterosexual marriage, in all respects. No-one will suspect that anything is amiss. We wish him well.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Britain, the 48 year old mother of 20 children has done a runner on her family, taking up a more enticing offer from some bloke she met on the Internet (although he has now done a runner on her, so it's a little bit like a rolling-fast, but with food, and without celebrities).

Husband Mr Pridham said that “their marriage started to fall apart as his wife struggled to come to terms with the fact they would have no more children after the birth of their youngest child, now seven”. Yep, not being able to reach a goal of giving birth 21 times spells the end of many a marriage; we can all relate. (Herald Sun, Wednesday July 12, 2006)

10 comments:

  1. Anonymous5:36 PM

    There are certainly some weird people in the world today, Caz.

    As for those women in Vancouver, well,they can go .... themselves!

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  2. Anonymous6:33 PM

    In a place where you can be set on fire if the Groom's family is not satisfied with the dowry, marrying a snake does not strike me as the slightest bit bizarre.

    Seems many Indian women routinely marry snakes. Why not opt for one that is relatively harmless?

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  3. And all he requires is a daily bowl of milk, not even a weekly roast, or a foot rub. Talk about your low maintenance hubby.

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  4. Anonymous7:29 PM

    I prefer the good old fashioned trouser snake myself!

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  5. kathy, so does my wife. And as such we are pleased to announce that we had a gorgeous young girl on Monday. Weighing in at 3.67kg and 52.5 cm with dark green eyes and blond hair.

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  6. Anonymous7:31 AM

    Way to go Doc! Congratulations to you and the missus. I think you may have a potential Elle Macpherson there! 52.5cms eh.!!!

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  7. Anonymous7:48 AM

    BTW Doc,how old are your other two?
    Seems you've been keeping that trouser snake pretty busy mate!

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  8. :) thanks for the comments. Too busy it would seem.

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  9. Good Lord! What a smorgasbord of nut cases you have served up for us today.

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  10. Oh, if only more women would marry themselves and knock off the usual crap of "I'm looking for someone who is honest, kind, trustworthy and knows how to treat a lady."

    Maybe then they would realise that their oh-so supreme form of judging someone purely on their looks and not on their actions will haunt their sorry asses for all (their) eternity!

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