July 9, 2006

The boys from BB rebuild their reputations

Michael Bric, or “John”, as he was known during his longish stint on Australia’s current season of that globally educational cultural edifice, Big Brother, has gone all shy since being removed from the BB house following his involvement in a “turkey slapping incident.”

While he was in the house Bric’s MySpace profile remained online, but the lad – who, according to host Gretel, was a wonderful housemate, having provided the audience with oodles of entertainment and garnered much affection from the other housemates – has taken his profile off the Internet. I can’t imagine why, as it shows him in such a flattering light – a real charmer.

Father Bric claims that "Big Brother has ruined my son's life".

“He said film of the incident showed his son did not hold fellow housemate Camilla Halliwell, 22, down while Michael "Ashley" Cox rubbed his penis on her face.

He said it showed that, while his son's arm was across Halliwell, she was not restrained.”

Ah, well, that’s alright then; that changes everything.

Meanwhile, the other contestant tossed from the BB house for carrying out the “turkey slap” itself – Michael “Ashley” Cox – has apologized to women in general, assuring them that he’s not that kind of guy.

He should have left his apologies at that, but noooo, he then goes on to bemoan that he was really upset that he wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to his friends in the house (perhaps he thinks they will be staying there forever), and that he missed out on winning the big prize – ‘cause, you know, he was in with a good shot He is also really miffed because if only Channel 10 hadn’t kicked him out, no-one would have made a big deal about the whole turkey slap thing.

"Sexual assault to me is where someone has actually been assaulted and I didn't feel Camilla was assaulted at all.

"The whole thing was totally blown out of proportion."

The self-employed Warnbro bricklayer, who returns to work tomorrow, said he was distressed and angry about being forced out of the Big Brother house and missing out on saying goodbye to his friends.

"If they didn't make it an issue by kicking us out, it wouldn't be such a big deal," he said.

"I definitely do feel robbed. If I'd stayed in there I could have won and it would have made my life a lot easier.”

Small tip guys: your management advice was correct. But, hey, digging yourselves into a bigger hole? Yeah, that’s a perfectly reasonable alternative. Ooooh look, here’s an even bigger shovel ...


  1. This shit-for-brains fuckwit was a self-employed bricklayer yet he quit that for a while to go on BB?

    I thought brickies were in short supply?

    He could have made a fortune had he decided to not bludge and party his way through life and just moved to the Gold Coast where you can't find a brickie or tradie for love nor money!


  2. He's in the Hun again today. He offers this devastating argument: "I've never spoken to the police, so that proves it wasn't a sexual assault."

    That old saying about empty vessels making the most noise comes to mind ...

  3. Oh yeah - good. Since the police in Queensland (proven many times to be the best money can BUY!) figure that 30 cameras and sound-recording equipment isn't enough to press charges - there is now this clown thinking that what he did wasn't wrong because he wasn't charged.

    - if he was into seeing prostitutes, it doesn't count that he was using her because he paid her?
    - if he drives stupidly on the road then he's not a danger if he doesn't get caught?
    - if he fucks a sheep, is he a sheep-fucker if nobody knows about it and the sheep doesn't tell?

    He committed sexual assault and he's just trying to bullshit his way out of it. The problem is that the police up here are just too fucking lazy to follow up an issue that isn't profitable (like a speeding ticket!).

  4. "Perhaps he thinks they'll be staying there forever." Big Brother meets Twilight Zone meets Dumb and Dumber. I am ashamed of my sex, and herewith renounce it to become one of those giant-throbbing-brain people from the original Star Trek.

  5. Timmy - I hadn't seen that. Don't you luv the way that both of the lads are now saying they WILL apologize to Camilla, but ONLY "IF she was offended". They really are that bloody stupid.

    Mind you, this is the woman in deep denial, who, when she gets out of the house, will go into mega-denial mode when she finds out that not only was she - at the very least – demeaned and humiliated by the two morons, but that the whole country believes that she WAS HUMILIATED.

    Let's face it; no-one is suggesting that this was a complement of some kind, or a flattering gesture.

    Then, I suppose, we can look forward to the three of them trying to sue the producers. It would make for a fascinating court case, eg:

    “So, being asked to run around nude, shout insults, and do a lap dance (not necessarily all 3 at the same time) for the auditions with the producers gave you no pause for thought about your future reputation?”

  6. Anonymous8:59 PM

    it's funny that you kiddies on here are whinging like a bunch of little bitches about something that happened all in a space of 4 days and then became easily forgotten.

    How bout you all wake up to yourselves and realise that shit happens and life goes on?

    Eg. this shit happened, life went on.

    Maybe if you look a little bit further into what really happened and see that none of this has been taken further because there is "nothing" to take further.
    What happened in there was a bit of plain humour between some good friends and Camilla, the main one involved, certainly has not had her life shattered by it all.

    Amazingly enough, Channel 10's BB show has actually had its ratings go up since the incident and yes its correct, had they not been kicked out, none of the bullshit that has been said in the Media and the kind of shit you guys take so much for granted "what media says, we must do" would have come about.

    Those 2 guys do have a right to feel left out, but then again they did know the rules and BB had no choice but to remove them just incase no future incidents occured that could have been more "serious" next time.

    And to whose eyes are you suggesting that "Camilla has been humiliated", most likely you would be referring to national TV!?

    The only place it was on, was during the internet stream that was removed shortly after it happened!! Just so happens that some little kiddies with no life like yourselves have happened to get their hands on it and make a mountain out of an ant hill!

    Wake up and smell the coffee asswipes!!
    This show has not been going for 6 years straight without a reason!!

    To some of you who love to watch American Bullshit invade our televisions daily and see that our local produced shows are only getting worse, this "type" of show has actually given alot of people something different to watch other than be brainwashed by the rest of the shit we have to deal with these days on the idiot box.

    But then again, there is always an old saying "if you don't like it"....


  7. Anon – gosh, you’re not only erudite, but your comprehension skills are unbelievable!

    I’m really impressed that you managed to write such a long comment (all by yourself, or did your little brother help?) that had nothing to do with what anyone has had to say, nor anything to do with the post.

    Shit happens and life goes on? That’s so clever, I’ll have to remember it.

    You’re right though, we’re all sitting around worrying ourselves sick about this and haven’t been able to do anything all week. It could be years before we move on. Thank you for pointing out that we need to get on with our lives, it’s a really insightful tip.

    Actually, we shouldn't take any interest in the world around us - just think how much time that would save.

    [P.S - Who said that any of us watch the show? No-one needs to - the script and the footage is all over the Internet - DICKHEAD!]

  8. Anonymous9:54 PM

    Gee Caz is it any wonder that BB has been going for six years if that moron anonymous is indicative of the audience!!!.Certainly espouses some profound views eh?
    Then again I guess we ought to have a bit of sympathy for the poor bastard. Being a person of low intellect and all. Perhaps you were a bit hard on the DICKHEAD, Caz?

    Ps That's the second Dickhead you've had lately!

  9. Kathy - yeah, you might have noticed that I've been a bit slack with my posts lately, not feeling very inspired by anything. Incentive to really lift my game, 'eh?! Sheesh, the dickheads are coming out of every nook & cranny.

    Yes, I think the puzzle has been decisively solved, for all to see: behold "the reason" that BB has been on for 6 years!!!

    Well, our friend "anon" and primary school children - the core viewing and voting demographic for BB.

    'Scuse - lovely little American sit-com about to start, must go be brainwashed.

  10. BTW "Anon" - no the ratings didn't increase, barely a twitch:

    "...even this biggest-ever kerfuffle, reaching a crescendo with politicians calling for the show to be dumped, had no significant effect on audiences."

    Not that this post had anything to do with whether or not people should watch the show, or the Internet streaming, or whether the show should be killed-off, or whether the "incident" was a damning and shameful thing, etc, etc -- none of those things were mentioned. (Perhaps try reading the heading next time, and then try reading the text.)