April 30, 2012

Obama’s Use of Complete Sentences Stirs Controversy

Could Imperil Reelection Hopes, Experts Say
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In the first term in office, President Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the previous eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say.

New polls indicate that millions of Americans are put off by the President’s unorthodox verbal tic, which has Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opens his mouth.

Mr. Obama’s decision to use complete sentences in his public pronouncements, as well as his insistence on the correct pronunciation of the word “nuclear,” has harmed his reelection hopes among millions of voters who find his unusual speaking style unfamiliar and bizarre.

According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, after eight years of George W. Bush many Americans find it “alienating” to have a President who speaks English as if it were his first language.

“Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement,” says Mr. Logsdon. “If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist.”

The historian said that if Mr. Obama insists on using complete sentences in his speeches, on Election Day the public may find itself saying, “Okay, subject, predicate, subject predicate – we get it, stop showing off.”

Elsewhere, consumers who believed that Nutella was nutritious have won a $3.05 million lawsuit, the highest award ever paid to morons. 


  1. Anonymous9:58 PM

    I don't know what Nutella is but for $3.05 million dollars I reckon it would be pretty healthy as well.

    Now where do I collect the cash?

    BO, has got nothing on Bob Hawke (remember him) - I heard him speak on tellie once - it was the longest sentence I've ever heard anyone articulate - it was perfect in every way - except after the first few hours it sort of tested one's attention span.

    However Bob don't get the gong:

    Longest English sentence


  2. Breaking off ones sentences before they finish, starting out with one subject in mind and ending up speaking about something else entirely, occasional mispronounciations of words - they're all common verbal mistakes, even amongst people who ought to be the best communicators in the world (politicians and writers). The written word is very rarely able to record these tics accurately; indeed, I wouldn't be surprised if it was first envisaged as a way of presenting an imagined ideal of speech. Hence the predominance of poetry in early books such as the Bible (it's hard to imagine Christ really improvised the poetic passages attributed to him in the New Testament).

    So it remains easy to catch pollies like George Bush out by comparing his off-the-cuff words to, say, a tract in the newspapers, or a prepared speech. Mind you, the politicians who are the least trustworthy usually turn out to be the ones who are most slick in their presentation - the more perfect an off-the-cuff speech is, the less evidence of original thought there is.

  3. Anonymous11:16 PM

    Rupert Murdoch 'not a fit person' to lead News Corp - MPs

    Looks like he didn't speak in precise sentences.


  4. Hell's bells, even I can't write sentences that long; the hurdle has been set way too high.

  5. On the other hand, Tim, almost all of the historically memorable and inspiring speeches, with substance, have been the ones prepared beforehand.

    Oddly, many pollies today seem to harbor delusions of skilled oratory with no preparation.

    Then we have Julia, for whom no amount of preparation and no number of drafts have ever resulted in a speech that isn't horribly embarrassing.

    The last generation of pollies were, in retrospect, astonishing in their off the cuff commentary - we can only look back, wistfully. (Who knew it was an aberration?)