June 30, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

Count Hermann Keyserling once said truly that the greatest American superstition was belief in facts.

John Gunther

June 27, 2010

Overly modest Abbott

No, it's not that Abbott has put the Speedos away for winter and donned new suits, it's that he has offered the electorate 12 achievable promises. Not in and of itself a silly thing, in fact it's smart, given that the opposition usually fails to commit to or announce a firm stance on anything prior to or during an election.

The problem is that Abbott has been overly modest with his potential deliverables, given that some have already been delivered, or will already done by the time an election rolls around.

But that obvious point is almost certainly balanced out by the simplicity of his announcement. Clear, succinct commitments - not to mention the reliance on action words (rule 101 of any decent CV). Very savvy. Don't think it will get him the gig, but it all helps toward picking-off a few more seats, whittle away, rebuild their parliamentary numbers.

Mr Abbott says he will:

RESTORE the Budget to surplus in three years and pay off debt.


END Labor's wasteful spending on advertising, school halls and insulation batts programs.


REJECT the 40 per cent mining tax.


PROTECT small business and make government pay its bills on time.


ENFORCE strict border security by sending boat people to another country for processing.


LINK population growth to better infrastructure.


REDUCE emissions by 5 per cent by 2020.


PRESERVE the private health insurance rebate.


GIVE families six months of paid parental leave.


PROVIDE closed-circuit TV for councils to make streets safer.


PAY the best teachers more to improve education.


BRING back work-for-the-dole and welfare obligations.


Abbott puts election promises in writing

June 26, 2010

Spooky

Jessica Rudd has a novel coming out in August, in which a woman topples the sitting PM.

Any disclaimers in relation to the characters, images and words being a fiction will be, err, a tad fraudulent.

Political murder, Jessica wrote

June 25, 2010

June 24, 2010

Why?

Anyone want to take a shot at explaining why Rudd is going to contest his seat at the next election?

Anyone?

Anyone at all?

Famous victory, short-lived

"Victory is within our ready grasp," the spokesman quoted Mr Abbott as saying. "We are in reach of a famous victory."

That was at the beginning of the week.

A day is a long time in politics Tony!

Acting like an overly-excitable amateur suggests the man really isn't fit to be PM.

Was it gospel or not?

Gillard struggles to be humble

Gillard fails, to my mind, in her first speech as our unelected Prime Minister.

She fails to include all Australians in her smorgasbord of concerns and values.

She fails to give appropriate and respectful credit to Kevin Rudd, who is responsible for giving her the keys to the kingdom. She damns with under-whelming and pat comments. Ungracious.

She fails to inspire.

She fails to remember her elocution lessons. (Those flat vowels are a never ending challenge.)

She will win the election.

Breasts or Budgies

The Australian electorate now has a stark choice, each unattractive in it's own way: Gillard or Abbott.

A clear choice.

The chalk and cheese kind.

The election will not be held until next year. (It was never going to be this year, not even with Rudd as the PM.)

Gillard will romp it in over the man in the budgie smugglers.

The only question is how Greg Combet will be placed in Gillard's cabinet and how patient he is.

The ALP is going to be in power for quite some time. Combet can take things at his leisure. Gillard will keep the seat warm.

Rudd struggles, in plain English

Rudd bows out, having not made his colleagues show their hands.

For once, with the most peculiar of timing, he speaks plain English, struggling, stopping for long stretches to hold back emotion threatening to tip into tears, outlining his government's achievements to date.

It's a lot.

He must be wondering why he never put it all out there before now - in English, in small words that the electorate and journalists can understand. Perhaps he's even wondering why his young wonder-kid advisors never told him to, never wrote the speech that everyone wanted and needed to hear.

Suddenly Rudd seems like a quiet high achiever who didn't know how to sell himself. Who had poor advisors. Who was too busy doing stuff to believe he needed to do the odd bit of PR - with his own colleagues, as much as with voters.

But he buggered up, and the ALP, as they've been known to do, has turned on their own.

They've outed the man who led them out of a decade-long wilderness, was still (despite the hoopla) ahead in the polls. The ALP would have won the next federal election with Rudd as PM.

This is the man they've tossed overboard. That is how afraid they are, how far they will go to ensure that power remains theirs. They know the desolation of years of defeat. The necessary but thankless task of being in opposition.

Power is everything.

They are taking no chances.

June 23, 2010

Panicked Fools!

The ALP is sunk.

Gillard has a breathtaking arrogance and lunatic timing.

Rudd, whose anger and fury are legendary, is angry and furious.

Tony Abbott - laughing?!

He must be.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Questions authors are never asked

Nice little piece, with authors asking themselves questions they wished they were asked, but aren't.

More fun are the questions they can't quite believe they were asked, such as:

Is Roddy Doyle your real name?
Does your wife love you?
The internet says you have two children, yet you claim to have three?

Questions that authors are never asked

It's not the tax, it's you

Much to the shock of billionaires everywhere, the Australian public aren't outraged by Rudd's proposed super-profits tax.

It's not a deal breaker, not a vote changer.

That's according to research paid for by mining companies.

What the research did find was that one K.Rudd - not a new tax - was the stink bomb in the room.

Unlovable when voted in, nowadays Rudd is plain unloved.

It's Kevin Rudd, not mine tax

Same Abbott, new suits

Thank goodness someone has donated clothing - not being Speedos - to Tony Abbott.

Sydney tailor Stefano Laface: we salute you!

Abbott sharpens his image

Abbott buys girls their own school

When the Liberal Party lost the federal election three years ago, numerous of the party lost their jobs entirely, while others took a steep pay cut.

In his deep despair at the time, and concerned about looking after the education of two of his girls, the now leader of the opposition, Tony Abbott, rushed out and did what any responsible parent would do - a parent who has just seen a $90K drop in their annual income - he borrowed $710K so he could buy a school for his daughters.

Oops, I mean, so he could continue to pay private school fees.

Failure to declare mortgage

Speaks the truth

Jerry Seinfeld on Lady Gaga:

"This woman is a jerk. I hate her," Seinfeld said during a radio interview on Monday. "I can't believe they put her in my box, which I paid for."


"You give people the finger and you get upgraded? Is that the world we're living in now?" the 56-year-old comedian said.


"I don't know what these young people think or how they promote their careers."


Seinfeld to Gaga


Wednesday Wisdom

Count Hermann Keyserling once said truly that the greatest American superstition was belief in facts.

John Gunther

June 21, 2010

Not creepy, charming & flirty

Former CEO of Penguin Canada, David Davidar, lost his job earlier this month for having a "consensual flirtatious" relationship, over a period of years with his female colleague, who is suing Penguin for half a million dollars. Davidar is "Indian-born", which is an awfully important point. I know this because every article mentions the fact of his place of birth.


Meanwhile, down-under, we are witness to the harsh treatment, the gross over-reaction to David Jones former CEO, Mark McInnes, going in for a grope and a pash with one of the DJs marketing ladies.


McInnes has been described by one and all as charming, flirtatious, appreciative of the female form, funny, charismatic and fond of beauty.


I have no idea where he was born, but McInnes is so seriously fabulous that, allegedly, many young women working in DJs were not at all offended by his advances, gleefully having sex with him in exchange for Louis Vuitton handbags and other sundry gifts.


And who wouldn't?


What a great guy!


Charming?!


That's not the half of it!


Appreciates the female form!


But the official story is that his school-boy grope and pash attempt was a one-off.


Never happened before.


Ever.


Well, all except the first time he went for the grope of the same young women a couple weeks prior to the second time he gave it a shot.


His failing, his great disgrace, was nothing more or less than the embarrassing problem encountered by all rich and powerful men from time to time.


As stated by a friend of the former CEO: "He totally misread her signals and he realizes that is no excuse, he gets that".


His pregnant girlfriend must be so relieved that it was just a matter of poor communications.


The partner of the women who was groped must also feel less violent about the whole thing, quite sanguine, I'm sure.


Hell's bells, any guy can, and does, misread signals.


As one journalist so helpfully positioned the situation: McInnes succumbed to temptation.


I assume he succumbed much in the manner that one succumbs to massive injuries received in a car accident. The best medical help available couldn't possibly have saved him.


In further defense of McInnes, an industry source said: "He was always quite well known for being one to like the models. Not a creep, but certainly was fond of a beauty."


As are we all, and none of us are creepy either.


DJs chief's roving eye settled on more than one

Disgraced DJs chief 'rewarded' girlfriends


No real shock in fall from grace


Mark this as an affair we will remember


Davy Jones' locker cleaned out



June 20, 2010

Kylie does safe sex - again

I can't be the only person impressed with Kylie Minogue's generous contribution to the safe sex message.

I haven't seen any numbers for the cost of her latest advertisement, but this is no cheap and sticky effort.


Thumbs up to Kylie for reminding the young 'uns to use condoms - always, always use condoms!

All the Lovers

Even if it's all reminiscent in style and movement and number of partners to her 2003 safe sex advertisement - you just can't say the same thing too often when it comes to sexual health.

Slow

June 18, 2010

June 16, 2010

Let's just chuck science entirely shall we?

Over in San Francisco, they're deeply worried about the potential of increased incidents of brain tumors because of mobile phone use. Despite no evidence to support such concern.
Under the law, retailers will be required to post materials — in at least 11-point type — next to phones, listing their specific absorption rate, which is the amount of radio waves absorbed into the cellphone user’s body tissue. These so-called SAR rates can vary from phone to phone, but all phones sold in the United States must have a SAR rate no greater than 1.6 watts per kilogram
If you walk down the street, I'm pretty sure your body will generate more than 1.6 watts per kilogram, all of its own accord - no mobile phone required. No appliances of any type required.

If the radio waves absorbed by the body from the use of mobile phones (which includes that cordless phone in your house people!) cause an increase in the incidents of brain tumors, why not also increases in the incidents of skin cancers on ears, fingers, palms of hands?

By all means be irrational. Who am I to suggest you cease and desist.

What the hell, lets encourage all politicians to craft policy and legislation based on nothing more than human hysteria.

Why not!

Cellphone radiation law

Something bigger than opium

Difficult to believe that anything could be more valuable to a backward country in need of a few extra dollars in its GDP bottom-line than border-to-border fields of opium poppies, but, heck, after all these years of being woebegone, poverty stricken and bombed to buggery, Afghanistan is, as luck would have it, sitting on a wealth of minerals so friggin' huge that it's almost suspicious that no one ever noticed before.

Now let the mineral wars begin.

US identifies vast mineral riches in Afghanistan

Afghan officials elated by minerals report

Wednesday Wisdom

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Aldous Huxley

June 15, 2010

Oil spots

Bought a new top, at the end of financial year sales, as you do.

Reading the care and cleaning instructions:

- do no remove spots by scrubbing with soap and water and/or solvents

- wash garment inside out

- dry flat

- steam iron inside out

- dry cleaning is recommended to remove heavy stains and oil spots.

Oil spots? Oil spots?!

June 14, 2010

Because the lesbians said so

Right about now, you're probably wishing you'd been raised by a lesbian couple. You would have been spectacularly more successful in life, not to mention smarter, prettier/more handsome, irresistible and enviably rich. You probably would have had silky shiny hair and really, really good teeth too.

The latest hetero-phobic longitudinal study, with a sample size of 154 pregnant lesbians (pregnant 17 years ago), has found, via self-reporting by the mums, that lesbian parents produce better children than anyone else on the planet.

"According to their mothers' reports, the 17-year-old daughters and sons of lesbian mothers were rated significantly higher in social, school/academic, and total competence and significantly lower in social problems, rule-breaking, aggressive, and externalising problem behavior than their age-matched counterparts in Achenbach's normative sample of American youth."

The study must be true, because mothers never make shit up.

Two mums better than dad


June 12, 2010

GFC not done yet?

Australia dodged the GFC bullet, albeit, not especially because of anything the federal government did or didn't do. The builder's Bloody Early Retirement fund wasn't even necessary. The country would have fared just as well - was already in full blown recovery - without it.

But what if it's not over?

What if there's a stage two GFC, far worse than the first?

We've got nothing left in the kitty for such an event, and goodness knows the ALP were amateurs the first time around, tossing billions of dollars to the wind with no particular purpose.

Billionaire investor George Soro, known to have correctly predicted a number of economic events, is adamant that the fiscal problems in Europe will take us all down - again.

'Act two' of crisis begins

We're special

It takes a special county, a special prime minister, to get billionaires protesting in the street.

We're officially special.

Billionaires' club hits the street for tax protest

June 11, 2010

June 9, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Jimmy Buffett

June 4, 2010

June 2, 2010

Wednesday Wisdom

In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them.

Johann von Neumann