October 3, 2010

Laziest job in the universe

Clock on:  9:01am.

Aliens present:  nil.

Clock off: 9:02am.

Time taken for annual performance review:  12 and a half seconds.

(Yes, it's true:  I'm jealous because I want to work for any bureaucracy called the Office for Outer Space.)

The UN, bless 'em, believe they're best placed to coordinate first human communications with aliens.  In the same manner they coordinate peace, health and happiness across Earth, I imagine.

As always, some expert in space law and governance (yes, yes, I want to be one of them too) shows what a blithering fool he is by trotting out the rubbish line that first contact is still most likely to be via radio or light signals.

Yep, the ancient technologies of radio or light signals, which can barely make it past gravity:  going to reach aliens - any day now.

Yeah.  Right.

UN appoints Earth contact for aliens


  1. geoff7:34 AM

    Time to pull the plug on the UN. There might be a few agencies worth keeping but the rest of it became an unacceptable threat to humanity long ago.

  2. geoff7:36 AM

    The first anonymous alien who ever contacted me did it by phone. Then he tried to sell me a mobile phone package.

  3. I wonder if the aliens have appointed a contact for the UN yet. Maybe they still haven't worked out how to speak bureaucratise. They need a book of handy phrases: 'Take me to your dysfunctional leader!'

  4. Solomon7:30 PM

    You'll be grateful when the aliens come.

    "E.T. Phone home. clunk! They wouldn't reverse the charges. So what is the babe situation like on this place? I hear there are some hotties down in the Galapagos.."

  5. Good point Tim. Without an alien counterpart, Mazlan Othman will, alas, be left floundering and flailing, aimlessly, when aliens deign to arrive.