August 19, 2010

Australian Federal Politics

While suturing up a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand had been caught in the gate while working his cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Julia Gillard [Tony Abbott] being our prime minister.

The old farmer said, "Well, ya know, Julia [Tony] is just a Post Tortoise."

Now not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked,

What's a "Post Tortoise?"

The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a Tortoise balanced on top, that's a post Tortoise."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know she [he] didn't get up there by herself [himself], she [he] doesn't belong up there, she [he] doesn't know what to do while she's [he's] up there, she [he] sure as hell isn't goin' anywhere, and you just wonder what kind of dumb bastard put her [him] up there in the first place."

Happy voting folks.

May [insert deity of choice] have mercy on us all.

(The Post Tortoise story bought to you by Kathy.F of Perth. This post has been authorized and typed by me, formerly of Canberra. It was previously spoken by a farmer, allegedly.)


  1. Solomon12:57 AM

    Says it all, really.

    Wait, what?

  2. I don't know which one to laugh at more, Solomon's immigrant vagina or your post Mum!

  3. The post tortoise, I understood; the hungry ... or rather, the NGRY ..immigrant vagina is still an image so startling that I have yet to divine it's true meaning.

    Sure it's funny, but only if you don't think about it for too long.

    Meanwhile, the post tortoise is funnier the longer you think about it; as are Gillard and Abbott.

  4. Perhaps a game of hide the sausage would soothe the hungry, err.. NGRY immigrant vagina.

    Two for the price of one ;)

  5. Come to think of it, I suppose we all know what it's like to have an NGRY vagina, immigrant or not.

  6. Solomon5:43 PM

    Herr God, Herr Lucifer

    Out of the ash
    I rise with my red hair
    And I eat men like air.

  7. Anonymous5:49 PM

    My angry dick voted early this morning, and often; 53 times in fact - all informal.

    At least I got my monies worth.


  8. Sylvia Plath was a tad histrionic Sol.

    It's forever tempting, Justin, when asked the routine "and you haven't voted today?", to respond with: "indeed I have, often, and vigorously".