February 14, 2010

Soft bottoms

Are we becoming, err, you know, too soft in the bottom?

In the UK, a supermarket chain has introduced cashmere toilet paper.

Cashmere fibres aren't included in the making of the toilet tissue, rather they paper is covered in oil extracted from the hairs of cashmere goats.

It wasn't that long ago that our ancestors had to make do with a handful of grass or hay, or more recently some torn up newspaper.

I'd always thought that having neatly rolled, pre-perforated, non-scratchy, tissue paper was sufficiently progressive, wonderfully civilized. I've never felt the need for cashmere on my bottom, unless it's a piece of clothing.

Cashmere toilet paper: a symbolic indulgence with no meaning or lasting impression.

Life is increasingly full of those.


  1. *Splutters*

    Just recently I was looking at a cat boarding house, that included amongst its many other wonders, a 'crystal litter'.

    The magical healing properties of crystals! Now available for absorbing cat poo!

  2. Caz, the height of toilet hygiene is a Japanese "washlet" toilet, for which you only need very basic paper with which to dry afterwards.

    I do not know why these have not taken off in the rest of the world. As I can't imagine the electricity to run them causing some sort of surge on electrical power requirements to the nation, and they could mean a substantial reduction in the amount of toilet paper used after No 2's, I would have thought they could be promoted as an environmentally friendly product.

    And for that matter, I noted on my blog recently that the Japanese have also come up with a machine to turn office paper into toilet roll. However, as that costs $100,000, one doubts it is terribly "green". Or sensible.

  3. I notice that facial tissues too have gone upmarket. I believe they can be bought enriched with aloe vera and vitamin E.

    With advances such as these, diarrhoea and flu will soon become something to look forward to.

  4. "It wasn't that long ago that our ancestors had to make do with a handful of grass or hay, or more recently some torn up newspaper."

    Grass?! Hay?! What luxury! My ancestors used gravel. Not that long ago either. My grandfather was the hardest arsed bastard you would ever meet.

  5. Timmy - the wonders of crystal cat litter is that they absorb odor. The real wonder is why a cat owner planning on abandoning their beloved pet to a cattery is concerned over the matter of smelly cat trays. Not like it will bother them.

    Ah, the Japanese Steve, their inventions are a perpetual delight. Someone over there has just invented a hover chair, so that people can sit at home and over here and there, if they're too tired to get up and walk about.

    Dan - the upmarket tissues sound nice in theory, but they're oddly impractical. If you have a cold, the last thing you need is a tissue so darned soft and slippery from moisturizer that it doesn't hold in place! I think of them as tissues with self-defeating affectations.

    Geoff - gravel???!!!! Where the hell did they find gravel?! Damned luxury having rock breaking machinery!

  6. They broke the rocks Caz. Using picks and sledge hammers usually while in a gang. Then they cut the firewood to light fires to boil the grass for breakfast.

    So there.

  7. They had picks and sledge hammers, fire wood and fires?!

    Sheesh, wealthy bloody arseholes!


  8. geoff9:26 AM

    Ah yes, but they stole the picks and hammers from the previous gang after their shift finished. Before that they had to use their teeth. It was the previous gang who were the bloody aristocrats!

  9. Thieving arseholes!

    Well that's alrighty then.