June 22, 2008

Who knew?

I don't think I'd recognize a John Mayer song if it whacked me in my left ear drum, but hey, my days of drooling over young men with guitars is long gone, so it's no surprise that I don't spend much time hanging out in the local music store.

The first I knew that this guy Mayer existed was during the tortured period when he was the pretend / real / PR stunt / real / real / ex boyfriend of flibbertigibbet celebutard Jessica Simpson.

In truth, I felt sorry for the lad, even though he's a grown man, capable of making rudimentary grown up decisions, and even though I had no idea of his IQ, I felt that he'd reach beneath his natural depth of bottom dwelling pond scummishness, and could, surely, set his exchange of bodily fluid sights a tad higher than a breast-implant blonde who makes bimbos everywhere feel deeply ashamed to be a bimbo.

The dark dating period eventually passed, although it seemed to me to go on about as long as the average Iraqi war.

I was then able to forget about Mayer, on the assumption that he was a random dude who'd had his few minutes as a handbag to the dippy Simpson, albeit, a random dude who made an heroic effort to expand Simpson's ability to think and speak by buying her a dictionary.

But he didn't go away.

It turned out that Mayer has sold more CDs than Simpson and won a goodly number of music awards. Trivia facts without which my life would not be as complete and knowledgeable as it has now become.

Then, much to universal dismay, Mayer met the romantically-challenged Jennifer Aniston, everyone's all time favorite dumped-upon ex-wife.

Yet again, Mayer finds himself accused of being the world's biggest recycler of famous-ex-wives, leveraging their vulnerability for his dastardly, superficial ends.

Local trash mag, NW, well known for *journalists* sitting in their office cubicles making up stories and conversations, with a scant snip of reality stolen from the US gossip blogs, last week published this deeply considered nugget, which is 100% representative of the general sentiment since the JenJohn fling started a couple of months ago:
"Jen is ... heading for a bigger fall than she had after her split with ... Brad Pitt.

"If John dumps Jen, it will kill her" says a worried friend."
Kill her?!

Or not so much.

Besides, I'm going to make one of my incredibly famous predictions: John and Jen are going to be together longer than anyone is predicting - except me, because I'm predicting longer than anyone else. As a bonus, I'll include a baby, before Jen's ovaries shrivel-up like a couple of drops of mouse turd left in the midday sun too long.

I think they work. I think they have chemistry. I think they look right together.

I'm firmly on the side of team JenJohn!

Especially after researching Mayer.

Who knew he was a multi-talented man, determined, self made, admired by more senior and famous musos, award winning, quirky, seemingly very intelligent, genuinely committed to his craft.

Holy shit. I'll say it: Mayer sounds pretty cool and he has truly earned his own success.

Click the link for a glimpse into the life and mind of Mayer. I didn't know any of this stuff. He doesn't even especially seem like a total dickhead. He blogs. He must be OK.

John Mayer: famous girlfriend blues


  1. John Mayer is an excruciatingly saccharine twit. That he became involved with that bimbo Simpson then hopped into the sack with that airhead Aniston says it all really!

    "As a bonus, I'll include a baby, before Jen's ovaries shrivel-up like a couple of drops of mouse turd left in the midday sun too long."

    I just love that imagery Caz!

  2. Saccharine? Really? How so?

    If I'm honest, I actually thought he treated Simpson, for whom I have no respect or kindly regard, with an obvious derision and contempt. He was embarrassed to be involved with her, but the lust must have beaten his brain in the race to decision making. He clearly never forgave himself for being so weak, and took it out on her by being a snarky arsehole.

  3. Sacharine as in lyrics Caz. I just can't warm to his style mate.
    It's ... just corny bubblegum crap!

  4. I'm out of the loop on this one. I really don't follow these airhead celebs & their hook-up du jour.

  5. Sorry about my comments last night Caz. Completely missed the point. Too much champagne. Was feeling cock- a-hoop. Lol! You know what I mean...

  6. Ah, see, told you I wasn't familiar with his music.

    Despite rap and techno-something-er-other, saccharine must still be very popular. He has sold a lot of records.

  7. Nonetheless, as you American's would say Cube: I'm rooting for JenJohn!

    Just for the heck of it.

  8. And I'm rooting just for the hell of it!

  9. I like the line just before the shrivelled ovaries one, Kathy:

    John and Jen are going to be together longer than anyone is predicting - except me, because I'm predicting longer than anyone else.

    Peerless logic.

  10. How old is Our Jen, anyway? 80?

  11. Aniston is 8 months short of hitting 40 Drunka.

    The precipitous decline in the health and well-being of Jen's ovaries, and therefore her breeding abilities, started nigh on five years ago.

    By February next year, her chances of falling pregnant in any given month will be less than 10%, indeed, probably less than 5%, but I'm too lazy to look it up, nor do I want to risk setting a precedent of providing superfluous levels of accuracy on this blog.

    Besides, I've probably already given you way more information about Jen's ovaries than you ever wanted.