Back in the day, we were girt by sea.
Now we are girt by fat.
Forget gerbal-worming and the end of our natural shore line, determined Australians have already reached the end of their natural girth lines and are going to sink the great land brown long before carbon emissions, lesbian whales or rabid underarm hair growth send us all to hell in a hand basket.
We're not going to go out with a bang, or a binge drink, we're going to go out eating.
We have surpassed our good friends and role model - America - we are now fatter than thee.
Nine million Australians are a ticking "fat bomb"
Meanwhile, the Japanese are aiming for a gold medal in national svelte, with employers required - by law - to whip out the tape measure to check employee health.
Those failing the tough test might be sent off for "dieting guidance".
The Japanese government, being rather ambitious, has set a limit of 33.5 inches for men and 35.5 inches for women. Off to counseling for those who bulge over the limit, combined with have any other health concern, the latter being quite a flexible concept, I'd guess.
Japan, seeking trim waists, measures millions