April 2, 2008

No picnic for the table

An Ohio man has been charged with four counts of public indecency, having been filmed - in broad daylight - having sex with a picnic table.

The man took advantage of his own picnic table, in his own backyard, while naked.

Meanwhile, his concerned voyeuristic neighbor filmed the act, having watched a number of times without camera in hand, prior to tipping off the police.

And you thought the hole in the middle was for the umbrella, 'ey?


  1. "And you thought the hole in the middle was for the umbrella, 'ey?

    Too right Caz!


  2. Anonymous10:19 PM

    Shee you can't fuck your bike, you can't fuck your picnic table; next they will throw you in the clink for fucking your fridge, but that's only if you need something cool to slip into.

    I bet he didn't live in WA hey Kath, from memory my picnic table was the residence of many a red back.

    I hate to contemplate the consequences.

    I wonder what type of fore play is required for sex with a picnic table.

    I once tried to seduce a fan, but for some reason it got turned off.

  3. I understand that foreplay entailed turning the table upside down.

    Dare I suggest this is one of men's favorite maneuvers?

    I've often wondered about the foreplay etiquette with vacuum cleaners, which are, I believe, a disturbingly popular apparatus for some men when sans something a tad more appropriate.

  4. Whatever happened to the good old fashioned hand, hey?

  5. Anonymous10:34 PM

    I had a mate who in jest stuck his dick in a vacuum cleaner; he didn't turn it on but his amused girlfriend did. Hehehehehe.

    He now has a very long albeit skinny dick.

  6. Anonymous10:35 PM

    Not that I'm condoning the rooting of tables, but since when is your own backyard a public place?

  7. Not sure about other countries Dylan, but heard a chap on the local radio only a few months ago - call-back radio, responding to the question of whether or not it's OK to wander naked in your own backyard - his sorry tale was of walking naked in his lounge room, and the curtains were open, fairly harmless all the same, most of us would think.

    Not so.

    A woman lodged a complaint, he was charged, found guilty, he appealed and lost.

    It was a "true story" and he was clearly still trying to get his own head around it. You could tell that he was still incredulous that he now has a police record and he has exhausted all legal avenues.

    So, if others might be able to see you, whether in your house or in your yard, you can't simply do whatever comes naturally - or unnaturally - your home is not your castle after all.

  8. Should add - the guy in the lounge room wasn't "doing" anything, he just happened to be naked and walked past his window, he wasn't lingering ... just wandering in the lounge room, as you do.

    Probably in search of a clean pair of undies.

  9. Anonymous11:29 PM

    I agree Dylan, a backyard is most certainly not a public place; however it can be a pubic place.

    Caz, why didn't the man then sue or have the women charged for being a voyuer. I bet if the man was caught looking through her window when she was looking for her undies he would have been charged as such, rather than the women being charged for exhibitionism.

    This world just don't make sense sometimes; but hey what can you do?

  10. Anonymous11:54 PM

    Personally I've never been attarcted to picnic tables. Now a card table, well that's a different matter altogether...

  11. Imagine the splinters! Yikes.

  12. Is the figure of speech, "rimshot" a part of Aussie vocabulary? Because both Caz and Jo deserve one, Caz for her post title, and Jo for--well, three or four different lines, but I'll go with "something cool to slip into." God.

  13. Metal in the, err, "holder" Cube, but even that doesn't exactly sound more ... alluring.

  14. Anonymous10:37 PM

    Pre loved card table for sale.

    Jokers need not apply.

  15. Anonymous12:02 AM

    Okay, now we know to avoid items advertised as "pre-loved".

  16. Anonymous12:27 AM

    I also have a pre-loved fridge for sale Jacob.

    Having a prefernce for cool dudes it obviously found me too hot to handle.

    Now that's something to really groan about hey Caz.

    Best knock it off for the night and dream of, dare I say, my oven.

    It's electrofrying and remember a bum in the oven is worth two in the bush.

    Shit I'm pathetic and should be banned from every blog in cyberspace.

    Someone, please, put me out of my misery and the sooner the better.

  17. Metal in the holder? Brrr, still no good.

  18. Um, maybe this dude has an umbrella complex?

  19. Eewwee - thanks Jacob, "pre-loved" will never again have innocent connotations.

    Icky, icky, oooohhh.