February 16, 2008

Kev's brain bank

In April, 1000 of our best and brainiest will gather in Canberra to give Kevin a dozen or so good ideas for the next 10 years. That's barely one worthy idea for each year, but hey, entire years currently go by with nary an idea of any kind passing through, or by, a pollie, so lets not be too finicky.

The 20/20 summit line-up might include *celebrities* such as Cate Blanchett, Collette Dinnigan and the designers from the Sass & Bide label.

Ooh, aah: I see lots of Koda-color moments from this summit already.

It would be great fun if Cate gets a guernsey, what with her touting of three minute showers and her view that Australia should abandon its alliance with the US.

While we might end up with no allies, if Cate gets her way, at least Dinnigan and Sass & Bide will make sure that we're all dreadfully well dressed. That'll keep us safe. No one will dare pick on an entire nation of the well coiffed and the sartorially splendid.


  1. "In April, 1000 of our best and brainiest will gather in Canberra to give Kevin a dozen or so good ideas for the next 10 years. "

    This would have to be April the first surely.


    How come moi was not invited. I bet it was another aussie post stuff up.

    Looks like you'll have to have my share of the assorted sandwhitches and cheap plonk Caz.

  2. Good Idea No. 1 - GI#1

    Declare war on the rest of the world and after they wallop the shit out of us we can get them to rebuild all of our infrastructure.

    Just look at Germany and Japan.

    Now let's get on to GI#2

  3. GI#2

    Fixing our infastructure was easy; fixing the aboriginal problem is easier:

    Since we managed to kill off all the black fellas in Tasmania then all mainland non aboriginal aussies should relocate to Tassie.

    As such return the mainland back to its rightful owners.

    This will also probably bring the collective IQ of Tasmania up to around 97. Which is an improvement of around 113.

    Tasmania will however through increased immigration find that property prices will go through the roof and everyone will be very very rich.

    As such:

    All we have to do is wait until the black fellas run outa cash then buy everything back (legally) for a few bob.

    Now for GI#3

  4. GI#3


    As it would appear the Sun is the major culprit re GW then we should simply move planet Earth a little further away from the Sun than we are now. When things cool off we move back again.

    How do we do this?

    A really big rocket with lots of grunt placed just at the right spot should do the trick.

  5. GI#4


    Posters of a naked Bronwyn Bishop placed in all places frequented by males is an obvious solution.

    If things get really bad then Amanda Vanstone can be relied on to squash the problem once and for all.

    PS. The Amanda option should only be used in the full knowledge that all sexual activity on Planet Earth could cease should this option be considered.

  6. Four ideas, that's all you've got?

    You have more toes than that!

    Not even a single idea on fashion or film scripts!

    Now you know why you weren't invited Justin.

  7. i'm tasmanian...

  8. GI#5


    Any male over the age of thirty who wears their hair in a pony tale will be immediately shot.

    Any male no matter what age who is suffering pattern baldness and wears a pony tale will be immediately sent for councelling then shot.

    Women can wear their hair how ever they like.

  9. GI#6


    Schools should be eliminated, they only create ordinariness and subdue creativity.

    I went to school for 4 and a half terms and still couln't get the sandcastles to stay up. School taught me nothing except that sand is really difficult stuff to play with.

  10. GI#7


    Refer GI#4

  11. GI#8


    Rather than having pay rises which are inflationary we should simply increase the number of hours in a day to 30.

    That way we can work an eight hour day and still have 22 hours for fun.

  12. GI#9


    The more foreign affairs the better.

  13. Well this solves at least one mystery: the entire brains trust of Tassie is vested in Justin.


    I never knew you had such an important job.

    That's why you weren't invited to Kevin's shindig, silly! Tassie can't afford for you to be away for days on end.

  14. GI#10


    People who consistently write crap and post it on blogs should be returned to Tasmania.

    Preferably in cold storage.

  15. Great set of ideas, jo. But as for GI#1, haven't you ever seen The Mouse That Roared?

  16. Sooo, you're saying we're mousey Drunka, or that we'd be stoopid enough to win the war?

    We want infrastructure DAMN IT and if Justin thinks losing a world war is the best way to get it, then we WILL LOSE a war, or even two, or three, if we must.

    We WILL have new BUSES. We WILL have flowing WATER!

    Hell, we only have one and a half fully functioning submarines. How hard could it be to lose a war?