January 5, 2008

Hillary Repackages Herself as a Black Man

The latest indepth reporting of the USA primaries from the scrupulously researched The Borowitz Report:
"In what some party insiders are calling a Hail Mary bid to win Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton today attempted to repackage herself as a black man.

In the wake of her disappointing third-place finish in the Iowa caucuses, there was consensus among Mrs. Clinton’s campaign aides that her presidential bid needed to be rebooted, but few party professionals expected her to change her race and sex with only five days to go until New Hampshire.

According to Clinton strategist Mark Penn, however, Mrs. Clinton’s decision to become an African-American man was thoroughly consistent with her history as a “change agent.”

“Hillary is all about change, and changing her race and sex is just the most recent example of that,” he said.

Speaking at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, Mrs. Clinton thanked her supporters for “keeping it real” and promoted her just-released autobiography, “The Bodacicty of Hope.”

“This election is about whether or not America is ready to elect a black man President of the United States,” she said. “I believe I am that black man.”

Meanwhile, former President Bill Clinton was dismissive of rival John Edwards’ comparison of himself to Seabiscuit, remarking that “in addition to being a black man, Hillary has for many years been a world-class horse.”

Mr. Clinton made his comments in an interview on PBS’ “Charlie Rose Show,” in which the former president, looking bleary-eyed and unshaven, touted Mrs. Clinton’s victory in last year’s Belmont Stakes.

Elsewhere, embattled G.O.P. presidential candidate Mitt Romney unveiled a new campaign slogan, “What the Huck?!”


  1. Anonymous12:39 PM

    "world class horse eh"?

    Hmmmmm....Seems Bill prefers ridin' fillies,
    to old gray mares, I reckon!

  2. Now that she has re-positioned as an African-American man, the only question is (and we need a "correct" answer here): will Bill change teams and widen his stance?

  3. As long as he doesn't tap his foot while he widens his stance ;-)