March 3, 2007

The Paris Hilton Beige Out

It started with a pathetic – nay – a cowardly target; one set so low that an amoeba with no commitment to the concept would still have executed the idea with greater success.

With highly strung nerves and more hand wringing than Macbeth’s mother, AP news instituted a blackout on all things Paris Hilton.

Oh, I’m sorry, did you blink and miss that ban, in its entirety?

Snap, so did the rest of us.

What could have been a noble thing, a kindness to planet on the scale of sucking 3 billion tonnes of carbon from the earth’s atmosphere, a cause célèbre for the millennium, became, instead, a whimpering one week experiment, from which AP learned nothing, nothing at all, except, perhaps, refining the art of torturing news consumers. Teasing them with the possibility of, some day, being able to wake up and not know anything about what Paris Hilton did this week, or last year, or the year before that.

Yes, AP danced around seductively with their seven veils, only to scurry out from behind the curtain like a puny hoax bomber. The Paris blackout at AP lasted one lousy week, and they STILL managed to sneak her name into a couple of stories. Remarkably, they continue to have the audacity to call their momentary action a blackout, when really the most they can lay claim to is a Paris Hilton beige out. A firefly ban. A flittering dream. Waved in front of us as a gossamer fantasy. The big tease. The cowardly retreat.

"So what have we learned from the ban? "It's hard to tell what this really changes, since we didn't have to make any hard decisions," says Jesse Washington, AP's entertainment editor. "So we'll continue to use our news judgment on each item, individually."

Ah, so, that’ll be business as usual.

More Paris, more Lohan, more Doherty.

I never knew it was called news judgment.

(Oh, and yes, yes, sorry about the dog’s breakfast of metaphors.)


  1. Oh, my. And I totally missed it. Wonder why they didn't aim the blackout at (sorry) Anna Nicole Smith? (I don't really wonder, of course.)

  2. On a scale of vapidity and asininity, and in terms of the number one position of the photographed-to-fame, the celebutante with the least, Hilton is in a class of her own.

    She is the unassailable empty vessel of our times. Thus, the most deserving of a permanent blackout.

  3. Anonymous9:26 PM

    Hi Ya Caz.
    Just chillin' mate!
    I just gotta say though, what a nutter that PW is..

    It was only because I have such a high regard for Darlene, that I was .. well. more subdued than I would have been.

  4. I did give a few minutes thought to it Kath, and glanced through his multiple diatribes, vaguely wondering what planet he might have been on, and also, of course, assessing whether on not I had been so nutty and offensive that it was deeply personal and / or entirely off topic and / or stoopid. That is, was there anything at all valid in his over the top comments?

    Anyway, I thought to myself: “no, fuck it, this guy is being a total fucking jerk brained prick, and not at all in the spirit of blog comments and relative decorum”. Plus he was being a pretentious and irrelevant pratt, with his “Foucaultian” asylum stuff – jeez louise, talk about wanking. Yeah, yeah, I’m a sociologist too – tee, hee, he didn’t anticipate that now, did he. :-D

    So, there was nothing for it, other than to make a relatively polite retreat, leaving him to his wankery and feigned hysteria. Life’s too short to engage in tit-for-tat slanging match with some dufus on a blog.

  5. Anonymous10:43 PM

    Yeah.. Wankers that are SO full of themselves!!

    I agree.. Leave 'em to it!

  6. Don't feel bad. I declared my blog an Anna Nicole Smith-free zone. Someone has to set some limits to the sleeze.

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