August 13, 2006

Bored people are ... well, really boring

Helen Kirwan-Taylor is a 42-year-old writer, lives in Notting Hill, West London, with her husband and their sons Constantin, 12, and Ivan, 10.

She first discovered her total boredom with her own children before her eldest child was even 10 months old, assiduously avoiding all childhood activities, and in the fortunate position of being able to delegate everything from visits to the park, bedtime stories, and party attendance to the nanny.

“I confess that I was probably ogling the merchandise at Harvey Nichols or having my highlights done instead. Of course I love my children as much as any mother, but the truth is I found such events so boring that I made up any excuse.”

No dear, you don’t love your children as much as any mother, but you do seem to prefer ogling merchandise a tad more than other mothers might, and should have stuck with that as a hobby, instead of breeding.

“To be honest, I spent much of the early years of my children's lives in a workaholic frenzy because the thought of spending time with them was more stressful than any journalistic assignment I could imagine.”

Many other mothers spend their time in a workaholic frenzy because they have no choice, and they do it specifically for their children, not so as to avoid their children.

“I know this is one of the last taboos of modern society. To admit that you, a mother of the new millennium, don't find your offspring thoroughly fascinating and enjoyable at all times is a state of affairs very few women are prepared to admit. We feel ashamed, and unfit to be mothers.”

What’s with the manipulative “we” bit, ‘ey? Trying to drag every other mother into your narcissistic circle, laying claim to some supposed last taboo carefully hidden by all the women of the world?

Mrs Kirwan-Taylor is pleased at being able to find support amongst her friends:

“Her solution was to avoid subjugating her own life to that of her children's. 'I'm certainly not traipsing around museums or sitting on the floor doing Lego if that's what you mean by being at home,' she explains. 'I'm loving it, but my children fit into my life and not the other way around.”

And there we have the makings of excellent advice: when deciding whether to have a child, like buying a new dining setting, it really must be carefully chosen so as to fit perfectly with the existing d├ęcor.

Mrs Kirwan-Taylor is even more delighted at finding professional support:

“All us bored mothers can take comfort from the fact that our children may yet turn out to be more balanced than those who are love-bombed from the day they are born.

Research increasingly shows that child-centred parenting is creating a generation of narcissistic children who cannot function independently.”

No sireee, those little kiddies will never have the grand opportunity of becoming narcissistic, not when mum has appropriated the overflowing bowl of narcissism all for herself, along with a swimming pool sized serving of smug pretension.

Two lovely little lads try not to look bored at having to sit with their mum for 30 seconds.

Other reactions in the UK here and here.

I don't think I would object to this woman so thoroughly if not for the fact that she seems so dreadfully proud of being bored to death by her own children: she seems convinced that this is an achievement of some sort, a reflection of her superior existence.

4 comments:

  1. She's certainly the biggest "mother" of the new millenium so far.

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  2. Kathy8:29 PM

    "No sireee, those little kiddies will never have the grand opportunity of becoming narcissistic, not when mum has appropriated the overflowing bowl of narcissism all for herself, along with a swimming pool sized serving of smug pretension."

    Yep Caz you've summed it up mate.

    Strange lady... I love playing and interacting with my kids. Even my little autistic fella' is heaps of fun. We play silly games and just generally have a great time and hang together..

    I have to agree with you mate,
    "Bored people are...well, really boring"

    It really makes you wonder why she had kids in the first place!!

    Yes a real selfish , supercilious bitch I reckon. I feel sorry for her kids.

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  3. She's certainly got the most swollen head. I'm glad this selfish woman wasn't my mom!

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  4. There's got to be a thesis in the away the punditocracy use pronouns to patronise others. There's Ms Taylor's all-encompassing 'We'. Hugh Mackay used the 'we' quite often when taking some statistic or other and accusing Australians in general of some moral flaw (or what he thought was a moral flaw). He never really included himself in that 'we'.

    There's the ABC slogan - 'It's your ABC'. It's my money, that's true, but I'm not sure if it's my ABC.

    Mr Lefty is prone to make all encompassing statements about right-wingers and left-wingers, and resorts to the pronouns 'Our lot' and 'Your lot' quite often.

    As for me ... well, I am unfortunately prone to sprinkling most of my sentences with the pronoun 'I' ... hopefully not all the time.

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