June 19, 2006

Twenty best breasts

I haven’t seen the list of top ten Hollywood penises (peni), or testicles yet, but In Touch magazine has announced the much awaited list of top ten (or twenty, depending on how one is meant to count these things) breasts.

It’s an important and balanced win for cosmetic surgeons, with five (or ten) of the winning breasts having been grown and cared for naturally, while the other five (or ten) equally (or unequally) impressive winning breasts have been nurtured with outside assistance, all too often with results that are far less flattering than the gushy MSM would like us to believe.

In designated order of awe and wonder, the best breast winners were:

Scarlett Johanson

Jessica Simpson - with breasts all, um, askew.

Salma Hayek - perfect proportions expanded.

Halle Berry - a new perky nose to go with all natural breasts.

Jessica Alba

Tyra Banks - breasts up to the collarbone never looked so authentic.

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Rebecca Romijn

Lindsay Lohan - the young 'un taking style tips from Tyra & opting for breasts up to the neck.

Brittany Murphy - glittery, stretched to bursting, and just plain scary.

This year: 50% to the naturals, 50% to the surgeons. Will nurture take the lead from nature next year? With baited and panting breath, we can't wait to find out which breast will cross the line first.

List via Starpulse.


  1. Caz, retract those claws! There is nothing wrong with improving on nature. After all God gave us plastic surgeons. Increasingly, I think that you are part of a subversive physical conservationist movement that would try and have us regress back to more feral (but oh so natural) aesthetics.

    You knew you would get me back with another story like this!!

  2. Ah, but Captain my dear, I am merely trying to balance out the previous post, which was all about taking away from the female form, and this one is about adding something back (or front, as the case may be, but butt implants are increasing in popularity too, along with chin implants).

    Feral? FERAL! Moi?

    She of shaved armpits, perpetually re-touched roots, and dreaming of a tummy tuck, a touch of lipo, and a perfect 34 BB cup?

    Now, I don't suppose you ever qualified as a surgeon?

    Filler and botox can take care of the rest.

  3. BTW - Some comments from ladies on other forums, in reference to the number one boob queen, Scarlett: "it's called being fat".

    Ooooh, aaaah, talk about biatches! Meow, saucer of milk anyone?. (No offence to Cubicle. Drunka, you did hide the sharp utensils, right?)

  4. Anonymous11:10 PM

    I thought this was a nice blog.

    But I can see now it's all about ducks, tits and sucking the fat.

  5. I have a mate in Germany who has the BEST rack that god ever put lungs behind. Unfortunately, in being just on 6 foot tall, blokes never seem to be able to look her in the face no matter how hard they try.

    These women in the top 10 are all wannabe's in comparison with her :)
    (and no - I'm not going to post a pic - all mine for me to see! >:)

  6. Oops - forgot to add my own preferences....
    Jessica Alba, JLH, and maybe Rebecca Romijn. The rest can bugger off - all too big.

    Hey - I gotta be able to dream, can't I? It's not like I'll ever get to see any of these racks in person! :/

  7. Geoff - er, um, yes. I was hoping you weren't so astute. Damn!

    Jai - thank goodness you nominated for the au naturel gels. Yes, indeedy, JLH has a most impressive set of breasts, a marvellous accessory for any occassion.

  8. Caz, I am qualified to do surgery but at this stage of my career, I would be best advised merely to appreciate the results. I would be happy to give you a pre-operative work-up.

  9. Anonymous7:53 AM

    "I would be happy to give you a post-operative work-up. " Best pick-up line I've heard.!

    Ya gotta admit, the Doc has class...Caz. Will you take up the offer mate?

  10. Anonymous9:14 AM

    Sorry for misquoting you psydoc. That should have read PRE- operative not POST operative.

  11. Kathy, I think you were right. It should have been post-op.

  12. Anonymous3:06 AM

    mmmmmmm booobies.....


  13. I didn't know that I was actually voting for the natural ones but I'm glad I did.

    I relaly can't understand why someone is willing to go under the knife to do that. Maybe if it makes her happy but there is an underlying problem why a woman would feel less of a woman if she isn't stacked in that area.

    I really have a problem with those who do it because a bloke asks them to. Same with those who agree to have their teeth knocked out so that they can *.... well, you get the picture.

    Natural is ALWAYS better! :)

    Of course, I have to admit that there are times when surgery is required - particularly when it comes to reduction surgery. I would much rather be with someone who didn't have pain from back problems rather than tolerate it so that she could have big jugs.