At this time of the year, I am obliged to offer my dear readers stocking filler suggestions for the up-coming festive season.
For the man in your life, who has everything, including an extremely small penis, consider a gift of condoms. Enrique Iglesias is preparing to step forward for this worthy cause: his thought seems to be that the less well endowed men in the world will be saved a myriad of embarassments if they can buy their tiny packets of condoms with Enrique’s name, and we presume, manly photograph, on the packet. Enrique has admitted that he too is unable to find condoms small enough, so this is clearly a humungous business opportunity for him. I don’t know if the product will be on the market in time, but with any luck, on Christmas day, your man will be able to step proudly forward with his tee-wee condoms. And won’t he just lurve such a personal and thoughtful gift? Someone’s Xmas’ will be coming all at once!
Alternatively, for the man who has everything, including premature ejaculation, I just heard an advertisement on the radio, which will help you out with that extra special stocking filler this Christmas.
“Do you suffer from premature ejaculation?” the voice-over asked. "Maybe it’s time to put something up your nose [yeah, come on, that’s just, soooo, soooo, obvious; do they think we’re stupid or something?] ... nasal delivery ... feel like one of the boys again ... ” Now this is the stocking filler guaranteed that no-one else in the family will have thought of! Go on, give you man a treat, so that, err, all of your Xmas’ don’t come at once!