November 14, 2005

Stocking Filler Suggestions

At this time of the year, I am obliged to offer my dear readers stocking filler suggestions for the up-coming festive season.

For the man in your life, who has everything, including an extremely small penis, consider a gift of condoms. Enrique Iglesias is preparing to step forward for this worthy cause: his thought seems to be that the less well endowed men in the world will be saved a myriad of embarassments if they can buy their tiny packets of condoms with Enrique’s name, and we presume, manly photograph, on the packet. Enrique has admitted that he too is unable to find condoms small enough, so this is clearly a humungous business opportunity for him. I don’t know if the product will be on the market in time, but with any luck, on Christmas day, your man will be able to step proudly forward with his tee-wee condoms. And won’t he just lurve such a personal and thoughtful gift? Someone’s Xmas’ will be coming all at once!

Alternatively, for the man who has everything, including premature ejaculation, I just heard an advertisement on the radio, which will help you out with that extra special stocking filler this Christmas.

“Do you suffer from premature ejaculation?” the voice-over asked. "Maybe it’s time to put something up your nose [yeah, come on, that’s just, soooo, soooo, obvious; do they think we’re stupid or something?] ... nasal delivery ... feel like one of the boys again ... ” Now this is the stocking filler guaranteed that no-one else in the family will have thought of! Go on, give you man a treat, so that, err, all of your Xmas’ don’t come at once!


  1. Poor Enrique Iglesias,
    How I wish I could help him out his predicament.

    Can surgery help him and others with smaller John Thomas?

    Enrique can hire me to satisfy his babes for free. I won't charge one peso.

    I thank God for blessing me with what I need. "Long John".

  2. Hmmmm...wonder if those condoms will be available here in the USA. I think our dim witted president could use them...or me too for that matter. My dong seems to be shrinking as I grow older. The only non-normal size available here is "Extra Large" and since I'm not African American I'm not eligible to buy those. I do buy a pack from time to time just to impress the cute cashiers though. I can see her snickering now when I come through with what I really need...Enrique's new line. Oh well...wish I was in Melbourne (a GREAT city!) right now rather than here in dumpy old Stockton CA. G'day mate!

  3. Orikinla - I suppose it all evens out, and between the two of you, you'd just be average, but I'm guessing you'd be really pissed off about that idea, even though it would make Enrique feel a bit better about himself, or at least his dangly bits.

    Horny Old Guy - yeah, stick to buying the extra large as a special treat, just to give your ego a boost with the cashiers (nice idea; harmless & fun!). Pissed down rain last night, after a hot humid day, then today was cold and gusty, and a few hundred thousand workers took the day off to gather in the city for a protest march against the government's new industrial relations laws. Just your typical time in Melbourne; gotta love it.

  4. This is gonna be the bestest Christmas ever!

  5. I bought some fishnet stockings for Christmas does that count? ;-)

    -- Nora

  6. Nora - everything you do counts! Nick is a very, very, lucky man, and I'll bet he's counting down the nights. A cute Santa hat and fishnets, yep, I think he'll be very happy indeed.

    And you've probably made Horney Old Guy very happy too, vicariously!

  7. Cazzy, please do not post stuff that makes me squirm again.

  8. LOL I lived for a few years with an idiot who insisted on buying condoms in bulk, and one year I got to go purchase a couple of boxes for him. It was New Year's Eve, and the old bloke behind the counter smirked and told me that he reckoned I wouldnt be having a great New Year, it'd be great all year, or some such drivel.

    bleh. Never again will I buy in bulk!

    I did laugh, though. The old bloke was a hundred if he was a day.

  9. Nora: I am SO glad that you said that YOU bought the fishnets - Nick just does NOT have the legs for them! (and I doubt that he would ever shave them anyway.... >:)

    Horny Old Guy: If only you knew just how happy (vicariously) you should be at the thought of Nora in fishnets....

    Maybe blokes with smaller whangs *do* say "It's not the size but how you use it" as a means of deluding themselves while women use it as a means of nursing their deflated ego, I'm more of the opinion that while one door of opportunity closes, the ones that opens may be much more beneficial. Namely, the one where a bloke learns ways to *genuinely* satisfy his partner rather than the belief that a bidirectional movement will elicit anything more than an Academy Award performance.

    Am I small? How the hell would I know? Comparing myself with other blokes will achieve nothing more than either a punch in the nose or an invitation that I would not accept. I'll stick to looking at the girls, thanks!

  10. To us Jai, you'll always be a big man with an enormous heart, and THAT'S what counts.

    Joolzog to you! Altogether now, joolzog to Jai!!!


  11. Nilk - yet you persisted with, and enabled, a man who insisted that condoms should only be bought in bulk. I'm not sure why, can't really put my finger on it, but somehow I'm glad that you came to your senses.

  12. LOL Caz. Young and stupid. It was only the once, and that was enough.

    His idea was that if he bought several boxes a year, then he wouldn't have to shop for them more often.

    I don't quite get the logic on that one either, come to think of it. Again, I claim youth and an excess of stupidity in this case.

  13. Caz, you write well, I appreciate your talent.


  14. Why thank, captain, my captain, very much appreciate you dropping by, and glad you have enjoyed your visit. Nice of you to let me know.