November 26, 2005

The Inaugural “Total Fucking Prat of the Blogosphere” Award


Normally I would be loath to use up a post on criticizing a particular blogger or blog, after all, who am I to criticize?

This is not to suggest that I would deny the occasional broad critique, or random ranting commentary about the blogosphere, but it does seem a tad unseemly to single out a particular blogger for ridicule.

Besides there are a number of good blogs dedicated to the act of reviewing the more heinous blogs, and I leave such a task in their capable hands. [I would gladly link to one such blog, if not for the fact that I lost ALL of my bookmarks a few weeks back, and can’t remember anything about the title of the “review” blog that I would otherwise happily recommend to others.]

Without further ado, let me lead you to the blogger who deserves not only our censure and ridicule, but also a dictionary; some lessons in basic grammar; not to mention lessons in how to use the spacebar on his keyboard; and certainly assistance in finding a new source of (alleged) paid employment.

You see, this particular blogger is, supposedly, a professional blog reviewer, that is, this is something for which he claims to be PAID to do. Given that this is the case, and given that in the course of his "work" he leaves nasty, yet entirely illiterate, comments on other people’s blogs – instead of quietly surfing away if he doesn’t enjoy what he has seen or read – well, under these circumstances, I think you may agree that he deserves to be the winner of the inaugural “Total Fucking Prat of the Blogosphere” award.

The following verbatim quote is the comment that he left on Zydeco Fish, which is a pleasant and harmless blog from Canada (inception, July 2003) about everyday matters, and upon which I too added a comment about etiquette in supermarket queues. I repeat that this is his verbatim comment, with no interference from me:

“I don't know what is worse,the montane subject matter,or the fact that so many peole have no lifes that they actually stop and read this kind of worthless trival.
I review Blogs,that's what they pay me for anyhow,and I am always in search for some new talent.
I send my reviews to over 400 Yahoo and Google groups all over the world,thereby promoting myself by promoting them,so if you know where I can find a good blog that as an original theme backed by good writing with at least an attempt at originality(see past reviews for sample)let me know!Must dash,the search continues,there's nothing here so....

UPDATE – Over at Zydeco Fish, the blog on which the above comment was posted, the author of said comment is claiming FRAUD!

This Sam chap insists that someone else is using his name to leave imbecilic comments on blogs. He even goes so far as to say "who ever the coward is I hope we can track him." Yeah gads!

Of course, many people (not all, but a lot of us) have such distinctive writing styles that it’s almost like a finger print. A three second glance at Sam’s initial comment, his subsequent disclaimer comment, and his very own blogs, show a distinctive and identical use of language, grammar, and basic keyboarding skills. This is a no-brainer. His denial is a classic, and in and of itself warrants an additional ten year ban from the blogosphere, bringing his ban to a grand total of TWENTY years. What a silly, silly, little prat of a man.

Turns out that Nilk was right: I wasn’t nearly harsh enough – go figure!

22 comments:

  1. He is deserving of the award and thank you for giving it to him. I posted something about this guy too, but I like your post even better. Thank you.

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  2. That is hilarious!

    "Montane subject matter" - what, it was about biogeography?! ;-)

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  3. Craig - I thought it may have been a paint colour, you know, "Montane" this season's newest shade of white, or something, but I think you're probably closer to the mark.

    Must go - still trying to find some "worthless trivial" - I know I've got some stashed around here somewhere!

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  4. Caz, you weren't harsh enough.

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  5. Geeze Nilk - you people are TOUGH!

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  6. Caz, we throw ourselves out here into the void, and the only way we have to present ourselves is with words on a screen.

    We don't use intonation, or accent, or power-dressing.

    We have the layouts of our pages, and then whatever wonders sprout from our fingers.

    Somebody judging my thoughts could be taken personally, as they come from the most intimate part of me - the place that is inviolate. My mind.

    Then again, my words are not the whole of me. Just the part that is visible in this medium.

    (I hope I'm not too obscure. Just verbose before bedtime).

    This fellow is putting himself out there as a critic - and one getting paid for it, no less - with grammar like that? He deserves a kicking. And if that upsets him, then he needs to either get his act together, or start up a cat blog. He can't go wrong with pics of kitties.

    I've had my fair share of stoushed on the internet in different forums over the years, and while some of them can be really painful, I just remember that I don't have the whole view of the other person, and they don't have the whole view of me. :)

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  7. Thanks for helping to expose this low life.

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  8. Nilk - finger prints are merely an identifier, and reveal zero about the person.

    Writing style / habits, and even choice of topic might be slightly more revealing about personality than a finger print, but they are still only quick'n'dirty identifiers, nothing else.

    It's no more revealing than having brown eyes or blonde hair, it's just a signifier to assist with recognition. Ditto writing style, if you like. I wasn't suggesting anything deeper or more meaningful!

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  9. Nilk - yes, I'm beginning to see the benefits of having a kitty blog as a fall-back position. As a visitor on the thread relating to that topic said - sometimes all you've got to offer is a photo of ya cat.

    Perhaps recognition that one does NOT have anything MORE to share, and remaining within that safe boundary, is a blog-lesson that some have difficulty learning. In other words, being pretentious above and beyond one's blogging-station can get people into a bit of a lather - which is probably what has happened in this particular instance. He put jerst a leeetle toooo much streetch into his blogging aspirations.

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  10. Sounds like one of those crazy guys you change your seat to avoid on the bus. Sam Clemens indeed.

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  11. That was my thought jgm - a tad presumptuous.

    And the big question for today:

    Why don't people have dog blogs? Where are the photos of puppies in the sea of kitties?

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  12. Nilk - THAT is the eternal question. Why cats for gawds sake? WHY, WHY, WHY?!

    Dogs are adorable and expressive, and do tricks, and have character and charm, and delightful little habits and you can take them for walkies...and yet, out there in the world are hordes of people armed with cameras and they're all taking photos of their bloody cats!

    [Okay, except my Mum's dog - he's in very nearly every photo that my Mum has taken during the last 14 yrs; doesn't matter if it's the garden, a group shot, or an individual portrait, the dog manages to be in the shot. There are more photos of that dog than any of us!]

    I believe the answer, whatever it is, has everything to do with the psychological, emotional, and motivational differences between the owners of cats and the owners of dogs. There must be a PhD thesis in there for someone.

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  13. Fantastic post and kudos for inventing this award for one Sam Clemens.
    This horse's ass also spammed my comments section with a "let me know if you see any original blogs because I'm a paid reviewer" bullshit.
    Like I commented to Zydeco Fish, this would be like Roger Ebert asking if anyone sees any good movies to let him know because he's a movie reviewer.

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  14. Rocky - as more information emerges, it would seem that Sam Clemens had a somewhat, err, shall we say, novel PR approach to establishing what we can safely assume was intended to be his new 'business' venture.

    His 'business plan' has failed in a spectacular manner and his marketing ploy has provided him with the type of publicity in the blogosphere that money just can't buy. Probably not quite in the manner he intended! :-P

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  15. As Mr Wilde once apparently said, "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."

    Yup. The publicity that money can't buy.

    That's why I do a small amount of link-whoring every now and then regarding the occasional post on my blog, and let everyone else find their way in.

    Those who like it stay, those who don't, don't.

    Sort of like in here, really.

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  16. Who among us would have ever picked the delightful Nilk as being a link-whore?

    Sometimes ya just don't know the company you're keeping!

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  17. I only push my blog sparingly, Caz. Not like Mr Clemens.

    And I try to apologise in advance for said whoring.

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  18. Sorry guys, but all this talk of dogs and link whoring is just too much for this dog-blogging link whore to pass up. Here's the first post I did on my truly remarkable Australian Cattle Dog (!) mix Billy Bob: http://thedrunkablog.blogspot.com/2005/03/and-they-called-it.html; and here's another: thedrunkablog.blogspot.com/2005/05/typical.html.

    Sometimes I sicken even myself.

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  19. And that folks is why we can't but help lurve the Drunka; luv ya work - shameless hussy.

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  20. That is too montane to bother with ;-)

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  21. Sam lived. Sam died. Sam will live again.

    Read his blogs. It's funny. Even the commentors seem to have the same way of writing and grammar.

    Talk about commenting on your own blog. LOLZ!

    If this wasn't real it would be downright funny. But it is real. It seems stupid.

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  22. This is net.kook gold!

    I have notified The Iraq War Was Wrong Blog, which in my opinion may be capable of talking down to Sam's level (on a good day).

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