In case we needed proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some real instruction labels, found on real consumer goods:
- On a Sears hairdryer – “Do not use while sleeping.”
[When else would I find time to work on my hair?]
- On a bag of Fritos – “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
[The shoplifter special.]
- On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
[And that would be....]
- On some Swanson frozen dinners - "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
[But, it's only a suggestion.]
- On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert - printed on bottom -- "Do not turn upside down."
[Should have told me sooner.]
- On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating."
[And you thought...]
- On packaging for a Rowenta iron - "Do not iron clothes on body."
[But wouldn't this save time?]
- On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
[We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction site accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.]
- On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
[I'm taking this because....]
- On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
[As opposed to…]
- On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
[Ah, somebody help me out here...]
- On Sainsbury's peanuts - "Warning: contains nuts."
[Thanks for the news flash.]
- On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
[Step 3: say what?]
- On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
[Who should we blame for this?]
- On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
[Okay, there can only be one reason why this had to be posted as a warning.]